by sub cee
Being an unattached submissive can be a very difficult thing to live with. First it takes a lot of deep internal searching to discover one’s submissive desires in the first place, a huge amount of courage to come to terms with it and it’s a massive heartache to not have anyone to serve with your natural desires and abilities. This is why sub cee decided to write an article about some tips a submissive should keep in mind when they are unattached. Tips that will hopefully ease your needs, and desires until you find that Dominant who deserves to have your submission as a gift.
1. Try not to focus on the fact that you’re unattached.
This thought has the ability to stir up all kinds of problems. Other areas in your kinky life you could focus your attention could be what you’re looking for in your next potential partner, taking time to figure out what defines you as a person besides being submissive, taking the time to figure out where in your life your energy would be most valuable or giving your attention to the wonderful people you surround yourself with. Being unattached does not mean that you are alone in your submissive journey or that you can’t keep moving forward.
2. Having no one to serve can be rough.
Perhaps you could offer to perform household duties for family members or take to volunteering and serve the community. It will not be the same as having a Master but it will ease the frustration as well as help to make the lives of others easier/happier. If possible, perhaps confide in a friend or loved one of your desires to serve and see if there is anything they need help with. This will at least focus your attention to one person.
3. Have a special place for yourself.
The world doesn’t need to know where you are or what you’re doing every minute of every day. A special place could be an actual physical place, it could be a mindset, and it could be a number of things. You could head to a coffee shop, leave your phone at home and bring your favorite book. It’s simply a place where you can feel at ease. It’s where you feel comfortable. Having a special place you can think and reflect will help you be able to quiet your mind. It will help you become present and focus. Many submissives find that part of the appeal of serving is just being able to shut off your mind and letting someone else take over. In your special place, you may not be able to shut off your mind but you should be able to quiet the buzzing.
4. Read. Educate yourself. Have respectful debates. Keep your mind sharp.
Your mind is a beautiful wonderful thing that makes you who you are. It’s easy to win men over with your body. Win them over with your mind; they’ll respect you so much more.
5. Learn to understand that you have one body.
Treat it with love and respect. For now, this body is yours and deserves your care and appreciation. Tell yourself phrases you’d want your Master to tell you. Take the time to learn what loving yourself means to you and show yourself that meaning over and over every single day. Make it a habit to love yourself. Practice it. Write phrases on your mirrors, shout it from your car, let the whole world know how much you love yourself. Once you can love yourself, you’ll have so much more energy to spend loving those around you. You’ll become more comfortable with yourself and your life. You’ll feel wonderful.
6. Masturbate as often or as little as you like.
Seriously, if you want to touch yourself 4 times a day then do it. As long as it is not interfering with the rest of your life then why not! There are lots of submissives out there that are used to orgasm denial and could possibly be just coming out a relationship where they are not used to owning their orgasms. If this is the case, touch yourself if you want to. Become used to pleasuring yourself. Talk dirty to yourself, spank yourself. Do not be ashamed of it. Until you are owned this is your body. Own it!
7. Keep a journal.
One day your Master may want to know your story. It will be much easier to show him your story instead of trying to recite it from memory. Writing can also connect the thoughts in your brain differently than originally planned. Physically writing things down is good for organizing the thoughts in your head. Sometimes your thoughts and desires may be scrambled. This is where writing will come in handy. It may not make sense at first but give it time. It will help.
8. Understand that you can be independent and submissive.
Just because you are unattached does not mean you are lost. There is much more out there in the world for you to experience. Do not let your relationship status dictate what direction you go in life. Take risks and have fun with them! If you are looking for it, maybe you’ll meet your person along the way. Submission does not mean you can’t make decisions for yourself. It means you would prefer to trust someone enough to handover that responsibility to.
9. Be good and take care of yourself, your well-being and your health.
Try to keep in mind that one day you will hand over your mind and body to your Dom/me. Don’t you want to give them the best possible you that you can? Do everything with your future Master/Mistress in mind. This may seem a little contradictory to some of the previous points but the point is to put out into the world what you would like to get back. If you want a kind, caring and protective Dominant, then you must first treat yourself with a kind, caring and protective manner. Be your version of being good. Don’t think that you need to be some rebellious person to attract the person you’re seeking. Be the beautiful person you are and let that shine.
10. Be kind to yourself.
You will screw up. Badly. Very, very badly. There will be no one there to punish you and you may feel the need to punish yourself. There is a chance you will call yourself every rotten name under the sun. There is a chance that you may take it out on yourself physically. Understand that it is not your responsibility to lay out punishments. Take a moment to just breathe. You are not a bad person. Mistakes are made for a reason. They are lessons to learn from. On the flip side, forgive the mistakes of others. Your future Master may not have a sparkly clean slate either. We are all human.
About the Author
You can find many articles by sub kathleen (sub cee), including this article, at BDSMTrainingAcademy.com. As well as being a slave to her Master in a 24/7 Total Power Exchange (TPE) lifestyle/relationship, she is an at-home business professional. All of her articles are from personal experiences, growth, realizations, and/or observations, and she shares them in the hope that they can bring some clarity or comfort or some useful bit of knowledge to anyone who reads them.