I have been in the D/s lifestyle for coming up on a decade. So much has changed in me during that time. I wish that I could go back ten years and sit down with my younger self and have a little chat about what it means to be a Dominant. I did not hurt anyone or anything tragic like that in my 20s – however, I was a bit delusional and feel like a bit of a fool in hindsight.
I remember the dreams of a horde of submissive women waiting on my every word; One peeling my grapes, while one fans me with the feathers of an exotic bird, while one massages my feet, while the other 28 of them attend to household chores and prepare for jello wrestling. While this still does have some appeal to it, I have learned a lot the past years and I want to share my thoughts.
First off, no one owes me anything. No one is going to just lay down before me and worship because I hold a collar in front of them like a carrot on a stick. Every bit of submission, friendship, and respect has to be earned. No one will accept you into the community just because you put Sir or Master before your name or you feel a sense of entitlement.
Second, there is a huge responsibility in being a Dominant. It is not all tongue bathes and orgies. Let me tell you a bit about the last month of my life:
My sub had surgery – a fairly serious and extensive surgery that made many everyday events hard for her to handle on her own. I took almost a month off work to take care of her. I spent thousands of dollars to travel to another continent to do so. I bathed her. I helped her keep track of her medications. I cleaned her flat (apartment). I did her dishes. I held her when she was in pain. I rolled her cigarettes (or at least made a valiant effort).
I cared for her the way she needed. I didn’t do this because I am a switch. I did not do this because I long for servitude. I did this because she is MINE and that is what I do. I care for my girl because I love her. I am there when she needs me because that is my job and that is what I love. Being a Dom is as much about caring for what is yours as it is being cared for by what is yours.
She is my love.
She is my baby girl.
She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met.
She is my sub and that makes her the most cherished part of my life. I would literally cross oceans to take care of her and feel a huge sense of fulfillment in doing so.
To any young Doms that had the mentality that I did when I was younger, realize your responsibilities. Embrace them. You will find a sense of enrichment that you never thought possible. I can promise you this, the depth of gratitude that you will find in your heart will outweigh anything that you could possibly imagine or fantasize about.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
SimonShroud hails from Indiana (US) and searches for honesty and communication. He has a gentle vibe and and is soft spoken, but mess with his girls and he will not hesitate to unleash a wrath of biblical proportions.
As a Master, he enjoys both the physical and mental aspect of bondage and sadism, and finds truth in the quote, “Fuck her mind and her body will follow.”
Find him, and more of his writing, on FetLife.