Anal Fisting – The Body-Mind Connection

by Larry R. Shockey

This is part 3 of a 4-part guide to anal fisting by Larry Shockey, organizer of Hell Hole San Francisco and Fist Fest.
• Part 1 – Learning the Basics
• Part 2 – Preparing for Play (Advice for Fisting Tops and bottoms)
• Part 4 – Keeping It Safe, Clean and Disease-free

CREATING HEAD SPACE

Try to have as relaxing a day as possible. If you can’t spend the day chilling by the pool with an umbrella drink, then make sure you set aside plenty of time prior to play to relax. That means quiet time, not time folding your laundry, setting up your play space, selecting music or videos, cooking, or cleaning. I mean spend some time contemplating your navel.

A happy, quiet, relaxed mind translates into a happy, relaxed, calm colon. When you’re tense, so is your colon. It’s more difficult and takes longer to clean out. And guess what? When your colon is tense, it takes longer to relax your sphincter, your body is less receptive, and it can lead to frustration, which leads to more tension. A vicious cycle.

I have jokingly told novice fisters, “Where you mind goes, your butt hole will follow.” But it’s true. In a perfect world, I’ll have a nice, quiet relaxing day. Realistically, though, I know that can’t always be the case. Life happens. I like to have at least 30 minutes of quiet time before I head off to the shower. I’ll try to clear out my mind of all the tensions and worries that I might have been thinking about. I try to sit quietly, and yeah, “center” myself. I know it sounds very California new age, eat-yoursprouts mumbo-jumbo, but it’s important, and more importantly, IT WORKS.

I also like to spend as much time in a “contemplative” mode as possible—at least an hour—between cleanup and the time company arrives. This serves two purposes. First, it helps me relax. Second, I have time to find out if I need to return to the shower for a touch up before play. You see, as I relax my mind, and my body relaxes, so does my colon, and that last little bit of retained water gets released.

When my company arrives, we don’t (usually) rush to the playroom and get down to business. We’ll sit and talk, have a glass of wine, exchange pleasantries, and catch up on each other’s lives since we played the last time. This also serves two purposes. We get our chitchat out of the way and get to spend a little quality time together. Second, he gets a chance to let his motor idle a bit, relax and re-focus his thoughts from “getting there” to play.

Headspace During Play

Turning off the tapes. We all have them. Even veteran fisters. What are they? They’re the stumbling blocks to a great scene. They are the “What if?” messages our mind dwells on: “What if I’m not clean?” What if I can’t relax?” What if he can’t get in easily?” “Will it hurt?” “Will he want to play with me again?” “What if he doesn’t respect my limits?”

Turning off these tapes requires you to overcome your own fears about fisting. It also helps if you trust your play partner. Where there is trust, it is much easier to overcome your fears and turn off your tapes. To some extent, trust becomes easier the more confident you are in your own abilities. Trust comes with experience, but it must also be earned on a partner-by-partner basis. I never fall into the sling with someone on a moment’s notice. Sometimes (usually) I’ll correspond with someone for a couple of weeks before playing, and always, always there’s 30–60 minutes of conversation in the living room with new partners just before play just to make sure we’re all on the same page.

DURING THE SCENE

For a fisting scene to be ultimately successful both parties must communicate openly and honestly—and they must listen to each other. Guys get into trouble when they don’t listen to their gut and continue with a scene when they’re not feeling entirely comfortable with what is happening or how their body is feeling. Unusual sensations that are not pleasurable can be a cause for concern. There is absolutely nothing wrong with calling for a timeout, or even entirely stopping a scene if you’re not comfortable. A top can also (and should) call a scene to a halt if he feels it is in the bottom’s best interests or if he is uncomfortable with continuing. Tops have the best view. Tops know if the bottom needs to take a quick rinse, or if there is any blood involved.

This is not Broadway. There is no rule in fisting that “The show must go on”. Neither party should allow a scene to continue if he is not comfortable with it. A few years ago, a friend gave a fisting presentation to a leather group with another friend as a co-presenter. The presentation concluded with a brief demo during which my friend climbed into the sling. As he was sometimes prone to do, he invited a few novice tops to experience what it was like to fist someone. One guy had enormous hands. Shortly after he started, my friend was really uncomfortable, but was determined to conclude the scene, and although he ultimately took the guy’s hand, my friend’s butt was sore for a week. Know your limits, but more importantly, know that it is absolutely okay to say, “I’m sorry. No.”

Hands Off Your Dick, Mister!

How many times have you seen a top with one hand inside someone while simultaneously stroking his own dick with the other hand? What generally happens next? The top switches hands and all those lovely dick juices, mixed with lube covering the top’s gloved hand get shoveled into the bottom’s ass. It also means that those juices go into the bottom’s lube, which can spread them to other tops, especially if those tops prefer not to wear gloves. Please don’t do this. I know many bottoms who insist their tops cover their dicks during play to prevent this from happening.

Remember, the idea in safer play is to protect each other. While the glove protects the wearer of the glove; whatever is on the outside of the glove goes up the bottom’s ass. Cross-contamination is something we want to avoid at all costs.

KNOW BEFORE YOU GO

Some bottoms like to have their holes teased for a long time, enjoying the sensuous pleasures associated with slowly expanding their sphincters. Others like to go faster, enjoying the sensation of having a hand inserted fairly quickly. You should discuss this before you start. Those who like it slow and easy will feel raped if you go too quickly and those who like more assertive play may become bored. If your bottom asks you to “Go slowly”, or says to you, “Just put it in!” listen to him!

Likewise, some guys like to be punch fisted (the “rapid” withdrawal of the hand followed by quickly putting it back in. This can be accomplished with one or both hands, i.e., pulling out the right hand, then inserting the left, and so on, or for really talented bottoms, using both hands at the same time.) Some can take it to the shoulder and some only to the wrist. We are all built differently and derive our pleasure in different ways. There is no good or bad, right or wrong as it depends on the needs and desires of both parties. Bottoms should never apologize because they can only take a hand to the wrist, or feel like they are less experienced than someone who can take it to the elbow. Just remember how many people can’t take a hand at all! If you can take an entire fist up your butt, you’re an accomplished fistee!

CONCLUDING YOUR SCENE AND AFTERCARE

Don’t immediately pluck the bottom out of the sling when his turn is over. He may have just cum or perhaps even experienced a body orgasm. Most likely his endorphins will be spinning out of control. Let him gather himself together physically, mentally and emotionally. You can use this time to take care of some of your duties.

Talk to your bottom. Ask him how he’s doing. It is also your duty to make sure his butt is clean. Wipe off the excess lube. Put extra papers on the floor under the sling, so when he does climb down, he won’t bust his ass (or worse) from slipping on a big glob of Crisco or whatever.

Assist him out of the sling by standing in front of him and grabbing one of the chains in each hand. Bend forward. Allow him to hold onto you as he slides out and puts his feet securely on the floor. Hug him and hold him close for a few seconds until you are certain that he has his balance. It is not uncommon for the bottom to be a little lightheaded when he gets up. You don’t want him to faint and hurt himself. A trip to the emergency room will put a real damper on your evening—believe me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

LarryShockeyLarry Shockey has been a member of the kink and fetish communities for more than fifteen years, and for almost that long, he has been leading discussions, workshops and presentations on safer fisting techniques. Larry has led programs for Leathermen’s Discussion Group, The SF Ring, Leather Levi Weekend, The Citadel, led discussions on creating the proper headspace for fisting bottoms and tops, developed a hands-in 4-hour workshop for intermediate players and has facilitated discussions for advanced players.

In September 2008, Larry brought a public fisting venue back to the SF sex scene for the first time since the closure of The Sling. Known as Hell Hole, this monthly play party has been widely and well-received by men not only in San Francisco, but from across the US and around the world. He is also organiser of Fist Fest, a series of men’s weekends at locations throughout the US where men come together to enjoy handballing. And finally, The Handball Academy is a nonprofit organization which provides safer sex education, training, and social opportunities to persons who engage in high-risk sexual activities.

Larry recently accepted a position as an individual director on the San Francisco Bay Area Leather Alliance and will be working with the Alliance on the mental and medical health of the communities and helping develop a kink community center which will celebrate us in all our various flavors.

This article is extracted from the booklet The Sacred Art of Fisting: Practical Tips & Considerations for Men who Engage in Anal Fisting. You can download the complete guide from The Handball Academy.

2 Comments Add yours

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *