Looking Into (and away from) the Mirror of Our D/s

When D/s is not just limited to that one moment of kneeling, but plays out every moment of the day when two individuals are together, that D/s magic becomes integrated and can find healthy expression in work, social life and family moments. – The Inner Selves of D/s relationship

The D/s dynamic never happens in one direction, it is always a two way flow of energy. Like playing badminton, we smash balls back and forth and when one person stops catching the ball, the game ends and we decide to restart.

And, that dynamic, between the Dominant and submissive, can becomes one of the most beautiful pieces of music playing through our everyday life. It’s a soundtrack that can continue in the back of our minds… power and humility.

The binary understanding of Dominance and submission aren’t always that clear cut. Often it happens in a complex flow of energy and power. Sometimes the Dominant holds the power of regulating the flow of D/s, and sometimes the submissive holds the power of regulating the flow of D/s.

i will give an example, because that sounds confusing.

When a Dominant orders the slave to kneel, it seems to an observer like the Dominant holds the power of ordering the slave to get down on His knees. At the same time, the slave is exercising a kind of power of service by obeying. If the slave doesn’t kneel down, the Dominant loses His power, and the slave loses his power. So, the power of D/s is actually a creation of the D, and the s. You need to be a skillful badminton player to have a great badminton game. If one of the player is injured, there wouldn’t be a game.


i find the abstract concept of the mirror fascinating, and i personally find it a nice way to look at the D/s power dynamic.

When we stand in front of the mirror, one person become two people, self becomes selves. You raise your right hand, the mirrored person raise his left hand. You move your body, the person in the mirror move his body.

In D/s, Master and slave power works in a similar way. Master’s fingers point. The slave goes on the knees. slave’s fingers point, the Master slaps the slave. It is always a reflection of powers, and we always enjoy this kind of mirrored power exchange.


However, as much as we want to forever engage in this reflected exchange, sometimes life gets in our way. Physical and mental health issues might prevent us from holding that badminton racket, blocking us from standing in front of the mirror and reacting properly.

When one of the parties moves away from the mirror, it creates instability in the D/s dynamic, that creates insecurity and doubts, and makes the mirror seem less certain. If you look into the mirror and find out there isn’t anyone in the mirror looking back, it becomes just a mere delusion. Would you have the trust to look into the mirror next time and still think the person inside the mirror will always be there?

If that happens, it take time for both people to come back to the mirror and regain trust that the mirror will works.

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