This Week in Kink, November 4, 2017

Kevin Spacey leads the news this week after he came out as gay following allegations that he tried to seduce Star Trek star Anthony Rapp when he was 14 years old, by climbing on top of him. The LGBT community has been united (and vocal) in finding the announcement a skeevy attempt at misdirection. Actor Zachary Quinto was amongst many in the film community who made a statement condemning the move, saying Spacey did it:

…not by standing up as a point of pride – in the light of all his many awards and accomplishments – thus inspiring tens of thousands of struggling LGBTQ kids around the world, but as a calculated manipulation to deflect attention from the very serious accusation that he attempted to molest one.


Breath Control and Erotic Asphyxiation are on the edgier end of things that kinksters do, and they’re certainly potentially dangerous if done wrong. It requires responsibility, trust and scrupulous safety practices. If it’s something that interests you, you’ll want to check out the talk and demonstration given by Mark Frazier to the San Francisco Leathermen’s Discussion Group.  It explores techniques, methods and safety and you can watch the discussion on YouTube. Part 1 is here and Part 2 is here.


My favourite headlines this week are UK Mirror’s Dear Coleen: My 16-year old son is having a fling with his girlfriend’s dad and Vice’s I Took My Mom to a Porn Convention. Both are actually good reads.


Gender Expression is a subject that often draws blank looks from people. Is it different from gender identity? Take a few minutes out of your day for a quick and friendly crash-course: What Is Gender Expression? With Jessie Gender.


You’ve probably come across the term f*ckboy sometime in the past 6 months. He’s all the bad things about dating, wrapped up in one big red flag. If there’s some guy in your life who won’t commit, yet still wants you to sext when he wants it and take his 11.30pm booty-call, you’re probably dating one. Metro has identified his more mature counterpart: From f*ckboy to f*ckman: The new breed. The f*ckboy might be easy to read, but the f*ckman is more sophisticated, grown up, and harder to spot. You’re caught in something of a Catch-22 though:

Unfortunately, if we make ourselves hyper-vigilant of the mysterious f*ckman, it can lead to a very unsatisfying dating life. It’s not ideal to constantly be waiting for the next let-down and mistrust any genuine sign of affection.


TechCrunch has something interesting on its radar: Roman is a cloud pharmacy for erectile dysfunction. The company launched this week in Calikfornia, New York, Florida and Pennsylvania. Fill out your medical history online and the info is submitted to a doctor for review, and if you’re a safe and appropriate case you can instantly get a prescription for Viagra, Cialis or generic erectile dysfunction drugs. The consultation costs USD15 and the prescription can be filled by your own pharmacist or at Roman’s in-house cloud pharmacy at competitive prices. The company hopes it will eliminate the potentially awkward interactions involved in getting ED medication, and lead to less people buying (potentially adulterated) Viagra without a prescription from sketchy online pharmacies.


Because so many bloggers make their living with toy reviews, it can sometimes seem like the battery-operated thing that buzzes between your legs is must-have. Dr Gloria Brame’s new article Put Your Toys Away and Build Your BDSM Skills is a reminder that not only don’t you need them, but actually you might often be better off without them. She even includes two great toyless BDSM scenes to try: The Stare-Down and Hands-On Hedonism.

You don’t need them to have a great BDSM interaction. In fact, to hone your BDSM skills, you should periodically leave the toys in their boxes and drawers (and closets, basements, attics, dungeons, and possibly secret storage rooms in shoddy parts of town). I’m seriously serious about this: if you can’t have a totally satisfying BDSM experience without toys, then you probably don’t have totally satisfying ones with them. Indeed, one of the great secrets of successful lifestyle power relationships is that the people who live BDSM don’t even need the toys to make the dynamic feel real. It is real. From the inside out…

The inability to separate the toys from the person is a chronic problem among newbies and even experienced people who have never plunged into the emotional depths of an authentic BDSM power exchange. I’ve worked with dozens of submissive men over the years who mistook a costume or toy chest for dominance and came away satisfied by the physical play yet feeling that something else, something profound, was missing. What was missing, more often than not, was an intangible but emotionally real sense that your partner was a true yin to your yang.

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