When Your Dom Can Sleep With Anyone He Pleases, But You Can’t

by Hermes Solenzol This practice seems to be quite common in the world of Dominance/submission (D/s). I have seen people who I respect a lot as Doms do it. And, given the enormous overlap between BDSM and polyamory / non-monogamy, it’s something that needs to be considered carefully from the ethical point of view. It…

Mental Health and the Issue of Consent

If you have read previous articles on this site, you will probably have noticed that we emphasise the importance of consent — basic understanding of consent, different models of consent (e.g. SSC and RACK), the complications and legality of consent in BDSM settings, and more. Consent is the important red line that exists between BDSM…

The BDSM Community – If You Can’t See It or Touch It, Does It Exist?

We often use the term “BDSM community”, “kink community” or “lifestyle” for convenience, but the fact is that there is no BDSM community in the singular sense. We are a thousand separate tribes with different opinions, customs, ideals and beliefs. A united voice doesn’t exist, though we often pretend, for convenience, that it does. WHY…

Consent and BDSM: The State of the Law in the US

BDSM activity, even where clearly consensual, can be and frequently is prosecuted under state criminal laws dealing with assault, aggravated assault, sexual assault or sexual abuse. Such criminal prosecution can arise in various circumstances, including: • The BDSM “scene” turns out to be more intense or painful or harmful than the submissive participant anticipated, and…

Assent Matters

by SherynB Okay, there’s a 600lb gorilla in the room, and I’m done pretending it’s not there. What we do isn’t pretty or politically correct, and frankly, it’s dangerous if we can’t get (and stay) honest about the reality of it. So here it is as raw and real and un-PC as it is: There…

I Wanna Push Your Limits

Should I put my red flag away now? You will hear “I wanna push your limits” from some Dom at some stage, so I think it’s worthwhile talking about what that really means. LET’S TALK ABOUT CONSENT Consent flows both ways and both parties have to retain both responsibility and consent. A bottom can’t say…

The Consent in SSC and RACK means DBADA

Consent seems to be a trending topic in the BDSM community at the moment. Perhaps it was the film version of Fifty Shades of Grey, which inserts negotiations over a formal written contract that are not in the book, or perhaps it’s some of the trainwreck consent cases that have been in the spotlight recently….

Erotic Humiliation and Degradation

Technically speaking, erotic humiliation and erotic degradation are not quite the same thing, though they are often spoken about interchangably or lumped together as “humilation and degradation”. Humiliation is a mental state, and what humiliates one person may not humiliate another. For example, telling a man he has a small penis may be humiliating, if…

What is Informed Consent?

Consent is not as straightforward as it first seems. It’s not black and white. At it’s clearest and simplest level, it is communicated permission. It is a declaration of allowance within agreed boundaries. I love this YouTube video explanation of what consent is (and isn’t): YouTube: CampusClarity – What is Consent? But, consent it is…