Giving Your Partner Permission to be Dominant

There is a certain camp of people who will tell you that Dominance is an all-natural product (like organic milk), but I don’t believe that’s true. There might be certain underlying personality traits that make it easier or harder, but I think Dominance (as a role in D/s) is largely learned. There are some great…

The Feelz versus the Mind

“Being a slave is the hottest thing I have ever (ever!) experienced. And it definitely FEELS totally right to me.” “But, being a slave sometimes counters my inner beliefs…” The path down the transgressive route of Domination/submission or Master/slave isn’t a smooth rainbow ride. Many of us underwent quite immense amounts of self-doubt and reflection…

I’m a slave but not submissive

If you want to see sparks fly in an online forum, just mention how you are a slave, but not submissive. Not possible, you’ll hear from many. Do you submit to your Master? Of course you do, so you must be submissive. To talk about this I think we first have to separate out personality…

Is it Topping from the Bottom?

No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or…

Venn Diagrams for the Mathematically Minded New Dom

The English language is sometimes a blunt instrument, and that makes “dominant” a tricky word. There is “dominant” in terms of personality traits, and there is “dominant” as a chosen relationship role. Often the same person is both, but it doesn’t have to be so. Let’s say, for the sake of this article, that the…

Is It True That Power Corrupts?

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lord John Dalberg-Acton A question those of us in D/s relationships would be right to ask ourselves more often than others is: Does power corrupt? “Power corrupts” is a common enough saying, and usually it is pointing to behaviour that violates norms or values. In politics…

Is Your Idea of Alpha Male Behaviour Wrong?

Native Americans have long recognised wolves as kindred spirits. Perhaps even more-so than apes, wolves have very similar social structure to humans. So, it’s interesting to read the observations of veteran wolf researcher Rick McIntyre in this article from the New York Times. The main characteristic of an alpha male wolf,” the veteran wolf researcher…

Financial Domination – Fetish or A Gold Digger Scam?

A lot of people find financial domination difficult to understand. Who, in their right mind, would allow someone to take control of their money? But, financial domination is not that unusual. Many subs (known in this fetish as pay pigs) are into it. And yes, they are in their right mind. It’s a blanket term…

You’re a Dominant, Not a Therapist

I think it’s time we had a few words about mentor-type Doms, but I don’t want to be too harsh. They really are the nice-guys of our communities, and as the saying goes, “it’s the thought that counts”. You’ll know the ones I mean. They believe their role as Dominant is to guide their submissive…

D/s Contracts – How to Create One That Works

by Anton Fulmen Written contracts between dominant and submissive partners, often referred to as “slave contracts,” have a long history in the practice of dominance. Some of us find the formality, structure and the sense of commitment and authority of a written contract to be highly appealing. Some contracts are works of erotic fiction: props…