Venn Diagrams for the Mathematically Minded New Dom

The English language is sometimes a blunt instrument, and that makes “dominant” a tricky word. There is “dominant” in terms of personality traits, and there is “dominant” as a chosen relationship role. Often the same person is both, but it doesn’t have to be so. Let’s say, for the sake of this article, that the…

Is It True That Power Corrupts?

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lord John Dalberg-Acton A question those of us in D/s relationships would be right to ask ourselves more often than others is: Does power corrupt? “Power corrupts” is a common enough saying, and usually it is pointing to behaviour that violates norms or values. In politics…

Is Your Idea of Alpha Male Behaviour Wrong?

Native Americans have long recognised wolves as kindred spirits. Perhaps even more-so than apes, wolves have very similar social structure to humans. So, it’s interesting to read the observations of veteran wolf researcher Rick McIntyre in this article from the New York Times. The main characteristic of an alpha male wolf,” the veteran wolf researcher…

Financial Domination – Fetish or A Gold Digger Scam?

A lot of people find financial domination difficult to understand. Who, in their right mind, would allow someone to take control of their money? But, financial domination is not that unusual. Many subs (known in this fetish as pay pigs) are into it. And yes, they are in their right mind. It’s a blanket term…

You’re a Dominant, Not a Therapist

I think it’s time we had a few words about mentor-type Doms, but I don’t want to be too harsh. They really are the nice-guys of our communities, and as the saying goes, “it’s the thought that counts”. You’ll know the ones I mean. They believe their role as Dominant is to guide their submissive…

D/s Contracts – How to Create One That Works

by Anton Fulmen Written contracts between dominant and submissive partners, often referred to as “slave contracts,” have a long history in the practice of dominance. Some of us find the formality, structure and the sense of commitment and authority of a written contract to be highly appealing. Some contracts are works of erotic fiction: props…

How Does Power Exchange Work?

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest In D/s relationships, it appears that all the power resides in the Dominant, and that the submissive is powerless. But this dance of power is not what it seems. It could be said that D/s relationships contains an inner…

Submission Can Be Many Things

by Dark Vulcan To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object. Simone de Beauvoir Submission is a state of mind, not a status. It is a choice, and in BDSM play it is the gift the bottom brings to the scene. However the role-play…

Developing Rules for Your Relationship

If you’ve bounced in here from our previous article A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships, you might be thinking “well, he’s no fun” and it’s true, it wasn’t a particularly fun look at rule making. But, in that article I was talking about the newbie error of substituting rules for Dominance, and…