Moving Beyond Maslow’s View of D/s and M/s Relationships

Most religions and moral systems see one of the great human problems as selfishness. A common and unifying philosophy is that personal development is a transcendence from the self to a larger purpose. Around the middle of last century, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and others aimed to liberate and enlarge the self. This was the…

Slave to the Rhythm

Life in my household has a certain rhythm to it. It’s partly circadian rhythms — the natural rise and fall of the day and the patterns associated with that — and it’s partly a negotiated rhythm that is kept in place by protocol. I think of that as ritualistic rhythm. It starts and ends my…

Special Snowflake Syndrome

We’re all a bunch of bad-ass mofos, no doubt, but there’s this regrettable thing that happens to some people when they discover BDSM that I thought might be helpful to talk about. When I say “regrettable”, I mean that if it happens to someone in your orbit, then one morning they’re probably going to wake…

Do Slaveboys Dream of Soft Pillows?

It’s only a week into my first full-time job and i have already been through a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Every morning i’m up at 5am, drive to work at 7:30am, finish around 8pm, and then get back home for dinner around 10pm. The routine is automated and self-repetitive. i’m feeding the big corporate…

What Makes Being a Cuck Hot For Me?

I have been involved in a semi-open polyamorous BDSM relationship with two rather mature men for a few years now. Our dynamic is a version of an oldguard leather household protocol, in which i am an owned slaveboy to a kind Master who are partnered with His pup. We live separately, and in the past…

The Feelz versus the Mind

“Being a slave is the hottest thing I have ever (ever!) experienced. And it definitely FEELS totally right to me.” “But, being a slave sometimes counters my inner beliefs…” The path down the transgressive route of Domination/submission or Master/slave isn’t a smooth rainbow ride. Many of us underwent quite immense amounts of self-doubt and reflection…

I’m a slave but not submissive

If you want to see sparks fly in an online forum, just mention how you are a slave, but not submissive. Not possible, you’ll hear from many. Do you submit to your Master? Of course you do, so you must be submissive. To talk about this I think we first have to separate out personality…

Venn Diagrams for the Mathematically Minded New Dom

The English language is sometimes a blunt instrument, and that makes “dominant” a tricky word. There is “dominant” in terms of personality traits, and there is “dominant” as a chosen relationship role. Often the same person is both, but it doesn’t have to be so. Let’s say, for the sake of this article, that the…

Is It True That Power Corrupts?

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lord John Dalberg-Acton A question those of us in D/s relationships would be right to ask ourselves more often than others is: Does power corrupt? “Power corrupts” is a common enough saying, and usually it is pointing to behaviour that violates norms or values. In politics…