Is it Topping from the Bottom?

No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or…

Venn Diagrams for the Mathematically Minded New Dom

The English language is sometimes a blunt instrument, and that makes “dominant” a tricky word. There is “dominant” in terms of personality traits, and there is “dominant” as a chosen relationship role. Often the same person is both, but it doesn’t have to be so. Let’s say, for the sake of this article, that the…

How to Dehumanise and Objectify the Dominant

So, my subby dating-app-using friend, is that torso pic and list of things you want done to you not getting the results you were hoping for? Clearly your bait is irresistible, so why aren’t the alpha fish biting? Let’s take a look at a few of the common reasons. YOU SAY YOU’RE A SUB BUT…

Illustrated Guide – 10 Golden Rules of Negotiation

Negotiation forms the basic core of consensual BDSM practices. In fact, negotiation and consent are the primary way BDSM is distinguished from abuse. Unfortunately, I don’t know where these originally came from, but I’ve decided to repost them because I think they’re important. I think we’re often in danger of feeling like we have to…

BDSM Traffic Light Safewords – How Do They Work (and Not Work)?

Most of us are aware of the traffic light safewords system as a safety measurement/communication during a scene. Basically, a Dominant checks in by asking “how do you feel?”, and the submissive uses “green”, “orange”, “red” to indicate the subjective intensity the submissive is experiencing. Generally, “green” means everything is good, and please proceed in…

Developing Rules for Your Relationship

If you’ve bounced in here from our previous article A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships, you might be thinking “well, he’s no fun” and it’s true, it wasn’t a particularly fun look at rule making. But, in that article I was talking about the newbie error of substituting rules for Dominance, and…

A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships

I think it’s common for Dominants/Masters who haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships to go into a new coupling issuing rules the way a parking inspector issues tickets. Way too many, way too quickly, and about all the wrong things. It’s understandable where this comes from. We quickly discover that Dominance/submission is a…

What Makes a Reality Real?

What is reality made out of? We all know that water is made up of two hydrogen and one oxygen molecule, snapped perfectly together to form the shape of liquid under a certain gravitational force and atmospheric pressure. But what about our own reality? Is it so logical? Discussion about BDSM’s association with mental illness…

A Peek Behind the Curtain: Polyamorous Relationships

Just a few days ago, I discover an insightful podcast discussing BDSM polyamorous relationships by No Safe Word — Ungagged Episode 13 – Flipbook Families i self identify as a kinkster, and if you’ve read other articles on this site you might have already gathered that i spend a lot of time thinking about human…