In my early 20s I stuffed my belongings into a backpack, got on a plane and took off for adventure. One of the first things I learned along the way was that “culture” meant much more than what language you spoke. There are cultural differences that we don’t recognise at all until we are in…
Category: Negotiation
Illustrated Guide – 10 Golden Rules of Negotiation
Negotiation forms the basic core of consensual BDSM practices. In fact, negotiation and consent are the primary way BDSM is distinguished from abuse. Unfortunately, I don’t know where these originally came from, but I’ve decided to repost them because I think they’re important. I think we’re often in danger of feeling like we have to…
BDSM Traffic Light Safewords – How Do They Work (and Not Work)?
Most of us are aware of the traffic light safewords system as a safety measurement/communication during a scene. Basically, a Dominant checks in by asking “how do you feel?”, and the submissive uses “green”, “orange”, “red” to indicate the subjective intensity the submissive is experiencing. Generally, “green” means everything is good, and please proceed in…
Developing Rules for Your Relationship
If you’ve bounced in here from our previous article A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships, you might be thinking “well, he’s no fun” and it’s true, it wasn’t a particularly fun look at rule making. But, in that article I was talking about the newbie error of substituting rules for Dominance, and…
A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships
I think it’s common for Dominants/Masters who haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships to go into a new coupling issuing rules the way a parking inspector issues tickets. Way too many, way too quickly, and about all the wrong things. It’s understandable where this comes from. We quickly discover that Dominance/submission is a…
What Makes a Reality Real?
What is reality made out of? We all know that water is made up of two hydrogen and one oxygen molecule, snapped perfectly together to form the shape of liquid under a certain gravitational force and atmospheric pressure. But what about our own reality? Is it so logical? Discussion about BDSM’s association with mental illness…
A Peek Behind the Curtain: Polyamorous Relationships
Just a few days ago, I discover an insightful podcast discussing BDSM polyamorous relationships by No Safe Word — Ungagged Episode 13 – Flipbook Families i self identify as a kinkster, and if you’ve read other articles on this site you might have already gathered that i spend a lot of time thinking about human…
Power Play – Understand the Codes and Negotiations of Leather Love
by Bryan Van De Mark Consider this analogy: Let’s say you like roller coasters. There is a certain sense of thrill when you are locked into the seats and you crest that hill and go plummeting downward at speeds upwards of 60 mph. A friend suggests that maybe a bigger thrill is in order: bungee…
Underneath Conflict and Frustration
Recently, my Master and i have bumped into some difficult situations in our long distance M/s dynamic. We have been making some deliberate changes to the control and management parts of our relationship, and in the past two weeks we have had to take time out for some intense discussions almost every two to three…
Whips & Whipping 101, Part 10: A Word on Cuts for Whip Bottoms
By Jim the Whip Maker and Dick Carlson Part 1: Bulls, Snakes & Other Scary Critters Part 2: Swing & Target Practice Part 3: Long Whips Part 4: The First Crack Part 5: The First Shot – The Full Overhand Shot Part 6: The First Useful Shot – The Pick Up Part 7: The Real…