The Feelz versus the Mind

“Being a slave is the hottest thing I have ever (ever!) experienced. And it definitely FEELS totally right to me.” “But, being a slave sometimes counters my inner beliefs…” The path down the transgressive route of Domination/submission or Master/slave isn’t a smooth rainbow ride. Many of us underwent quite immense amounts of self-doubt and reflection…

I’m a slave but not submissive

If you want to see sparks fly in an online forum, just mention how you are a slave, but not submissive. Not possible, you’ll hear from many. Do you submit to your Master? Of course you do, so you must be submissive. To talk about this I think we first have to separate out personality…

Is it Topping from the Bottom?

No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or…

Venn Diagrams for the Mathematically Minded New Dom

The English language is sometimes a blunt instrument, and that makes “dominant” a tricky word. There is “dominant” in terms of personality traits, and there is “dominant” as a chosen relationship role. Often the same person is both, but it doesn’t have to be so. Let’s say, for the sake of this article, that the…

How to Dehumanise and Objectify the Dominant

So, my subby dating-app-using friend, is that torso pic and list of things you want done to you not getting the results you were hoping for? Clearly your bait is irresistible, so why aren’t the alpha fish biting? Let’s take a look at a few of the common reasons. YOU SAY YOU’RE A SUB BUT…

How Does Power Exchange Work?

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest In D/s relationships, it appears that all the power resides in the Dominant, and that the submissive is powerless. But this dance of power is not what it seems. It could be said that D/s relationships contains an inner…

Submission Can Be Many Things

by Dark Vulcan To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object. Simone de Beauvoir Submission is a state of mind, not a status. It is a choice, and in BDSM play it is the gift the bottom brings to the scene. However the role-play…

Shine Your Boots, Sir?

by Vincent What better way to start a BDSM scene than with a good, old-fashioned spit shine?  Ensconced in his chair, high above his boi, the top is afforded an opportunity to sit back, relax and be serviced.  For the bottom, his pleasure is double, knowing that he is serving both the practical matter of…