From Stray to Collars, A Personal Journey

my first collar was granted to me by my Master, in small petshop in rural Malaysia. My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas with presents, and my first collar came to me on Christmas Day, which made it even more meaningful. Master, who was my Mentor at the time, gave me two taps on my right shoulder…

Where Did Old School BDSM Go?

I watched a video this morning of how a book was produced. The lead type being set, then pressed. The trimming and folding and binding, and how the leather cover was attached. The comment by the person who posted the video was “Your Kindle can’t do this”. And, of course, it can’t. But that doesn’t…

Memories and Time

“Memory is a funny thing. When I was in the scene I hardly paid it any attention. I never stopped to think of it as something that would make a lasting impression, certainly never imagined that 18 years later I would recall it in such detail.” “It takes time, though, for Naoko’s face to appear….

The Difference Between Learning and Practicing

Some of this is going to seem very obvious to you, but I hope you’ll bear with me because I have a couple of opinionated insights that might surprise you. One of the things that separates Dominance/submission from more conventional relationships, I think, is that we’re on a continual learning curve. I’ve been involved in…

Coming Out as Kinky – Open or Closeted in Public?

It’s said that kinky gay guys have two coming outs. First there’s coming out as gay, then, for some of us, there’s coming out as non-vanilla. Of course, neither of those processes are compulsory, that’s our choice. I’m oversimplifying, of course. I’m a gay, leather-identifying sadistic Dom in a polyamorous relationship. Close friends who’ve known…

The Seven Elements of Submission

by Hermes Solenzol Although much has been written about the different techniques used in bondage and sadomasochism, less effort has been put into systematizing the dynamics of a Dominance/submission (D/s) relationship. D/s is much more complex than the Dominant simply ordering the submissive around. It begins when the Dominant and the submissive agree that they…

Being a Leatherboy is a Lifestyle and a State of Mind

by boydon freeman We all know about Masters and slaves, Tops and bottoms, Doms and subs, but what exactly is a leatherboy? All around the US, leatherboys are participating in clubs, competing in contests, and volunteering for fund-raisers. The boy presence is very much in evidence at leather events. Maybe it would be helpful to…

Taking Out the Garbage

I read something interesting today that I wanted to share, because with all this radical self-reflection we all seem to do these days it resonated as kind of important. The short version is here, on Peter Rudd’s wonderful Coromandal blog. He excerpts from the much longer article Sons of The Beach on WorldHum, and his…

Quiz – Which of the Five Love Languages Do You Speak?

Gary Chapman’s best selling book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate posits five ways that we express and experience love: • Words of Affirmation • Acts of Service • Receiving Gifts • Quality Time • Physical Touch Everyone has a primary and a secondary love language. These are the…

Anticipation, Anxiety and the Butterflies

We all experiences anxiety, stress and the butterflies start fluttering in our stomach at different times in our life. Because what we do is transgressive and sometimes edgy, there’s a chance that it does happen more frequently or with higher intensity in our BDSM exploration. It might be when we hook up with people we…