Does a D/s Relationship Make Our Love Stories Twice as Difficult?

Let’s look at a couple of relationship snapshots. Couple 1 is walking in the park, holding hands, talking about something going on in their lives as the scenery forms a backdrop for them to be together. Couple 2 is at home. One partner is sitting in a chair reading a book, the other is sitting…

Pushing a Boulder Up a Hill

If I had to pull one myth out of the many in BDSM to highlight as “the one I’d most like to change”, it’s the idea that Dominance is some kind of pitting of your own personal force against something. It’s this picture of the world as a big boulder, with the idea that you…

Illustrated Guide – 3D Model of Erotic (Kink) Space Pt3

This is the third part of a three-part post exploring a model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact. Part 1 looked at how our desires related to D/s (control) and SM (experiences) interact to form our kink identity. Part 2 explored how roles interact and why some pairings work well. This part looks at…

Illustrated Guide – 3D Model of Erotic (Kink) Space Pt2

This is the second part of a three-part post exploring a model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact. Part 1 looked at how our desires related to D/s (control) and SM (experiences) interact to form our kink identity. This part adds a 3rd dimension and looks at which roles play nicely together. You can…

Illustrated Guide – 3D Model of Erotic (Kink) Space Pt1

This is the first part of a fairly long post, but I promise if you stick with it that it’s very rewarding and you’ll find an interesting model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact. To help with loading time, we’ve divided it into three separate posts. You can find the others here:• Pt 2…

Special Snowflake Syndrome

We’re all a bunch of bad-ass mofos, no doubt, but there’s this regrettable thing that happens to some people when they discover BDSM that I thought might be helpful to talk about. When I say “regrettable”, I mean that if it happens to someone in your orbit, then one morning they’re probably going to wake…

Compersion in Polyamory

Compersion is a term used to describe a certain experience in polyamorous relationships. It is that moment of relational empathy, where the feelings of love and shared pleasure with one’s partner with another person over-rides any feelings of jealousy. Feelings are just feelings, and we should own up to them without labelling them as positive…

How to Dehumanise and Objectify the Dominant

So, my subby dating-app-using friend, is that torso pic and list of things you want done to you not getting the results you were hoping for? Clearly your bait is irresistible, so why aren’t the alpha fish biting? Let’s take a look at a few of the common reasons. YOU SAY YOU’RE A SUB BUT…

How Does Power Exchange Work?

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest In D/s relationships, it appears that all the power resides in the Dominant, and that the submissive is powerless. But this dance of power is not what it seems. It could be said that D/s relationships contains an inner…

Submission Can Be Many Things

by Dark Vulcan To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object. Simone de Beauvoir Submission is a state of mind, not a status. It is a choice, and in BDSM play it is the gift the bottom brings to the scene. However the role-play…