I’m going to bunch together the components of orgasm control, teasing and denial and just call it “orgasm control” for the purposes of this article. You’re probably familiar with it in a general sense. Here’s the Fetlife BDSM Glossary definition: orgasm control or denial: The practice whereby the subject is not permitted to reach sexual…
Tag: communication
Communication and the Delicate Balance Between Openness and Mystery
In my early 20s I stuffed my belongings into a backpack, got on a plane and took off for adventure. One of the first things I learned along the way was that “culture” meant much more than what language you spoke. There are cultural differences that we don’t recognise at all until we are in…
BDSM Traffic Light Safewords – How Do They Work (and Not Work)?
Most of us are aware of the traffic light safewords system as a safety measurement/communication during a scene. Basically, a Dominant checks in by asking “how do you feel?”, and the submissive uses “green”, “orange”, “red” to indicate the subjective intensity the submissive is experiencing. Generally, “green” means everything is good, and please proceed in…
Dominant Energy and the Small Drops That Are Life
The word “tired” is one of those clumsy English words (like “love”) that means a lot less without context. Is it “tired” like “haven’t had enough sleep”, “tired” like “just ran a marathon” or “tired” like “I’ve spent the day with a piled up inbox and the boss on my back”? Synonyms are a lot…
A Peek Behind the Curtain: Polyamorous Relationships
Just a few days ago, I discover an insightful podcast discussing BDSM polyamorous relationships by No Safe Word — Ungagged Episode 13 – Flipbook Families i self identify as a kinkster, and if you’ve read other articles on this site you might have already gathered that i spend a lot of time thinking about human…
The Error of Silence
by Isaac Cross For those of us to the left of the slash (dominant, top, etc), we often make decisions for the good of our partners without telling them. Even with the best of intentions, these decisions often have the opposite effect if we fail to communicate. I recently had arranged for a particularly brutal…
How to Let Go and Really Surrender to Submission in BDSM
By Andrew Harwin Don’t dream it, be it. Dr Frank-n-furter (Rocky Horror Picture Show) When we give ourselves over to something or someone, and we do it with 100% of our attention and intention, the result of that surrender is a complete liberation. You don’t just think about what you’re feeling, you are right there…
Long Distance Relationships and (A)Synchronous Spaces
Long Distance Relationships (LDR) are all about communication. Words are what we have. What sets LDR apart from relationships we have with those in the same physical space as us is that LDR relationships are mediated. We’re not able to touch each other, see each other or physically do things together. Our interaction is mediated…
How to Avoid Hurting the One We Love
by Hermes Solenzol It is quite ironic that the person who loves you the best is also the person who is able to hurt you most deeply. Apparently, romantic relationships entail a great deal of suffering. Everybody seems to think that this is unavoidable, that suffering is just the price of admission for being loved….
Defining Kinks and Fetishes
i frequently come across many questions like this one: Can anyone give me an explanation on what a fucktoy is?! What are the normal (understood) dynamics of a situation involving a fucktoy? How do we define kinks and fetishes? Cultural theorists Stuart Hall and Ferdinand de Saussure said that we make meanings out of ourselves. The…