Let’s look at a couple of relationship snapshots. Couple 1 is walking in the park, holding hands, talking about something going on in their lives as the scenery forms a backdrop for them to be together. Couple 2 is at home. One partner is sitting in a chair reading a book, the other is sitting…
Tag: relationships
Pushing a Boulder Up a Hill
If I had to pull one myth out of the many in BDSM to highlight as “the one I’d most like to change”, it’s the idea that Dominance is some kind of pitting of your own personal force against something. It’s this picture of the world as a big boulder, with the idea that you…
Illustrated Guide – 3D Model of Erotic (Kink) Space Pt3
This is the third part of a three-part post exploring a model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact. Part 1 looked at how our desires related to D/s (control) and SM (experiences) interact to form our kink identity. Part 2 explored how roles interact and why some pairings work well. This part looks at…
Illustrated Guide – 3D Model of Erotic (Kink) Space Pt2
This is the second part of a three-part post exploring a model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact. Part 1 looked at how our desires related to D/s (control) and SM (experiences) interact to form our kink identity. This part adds a 3rd dimension and looks at which roles play nicely together. You can…
Illustrated Guide – 3D Model of Erotic (Kink) Space Pt1
This is the first part of a fairly long post, but I promise if you stick with it that it’s very rewarding and you’ll find an interesting model of how BDSM roles and relationships interact. To help with loading time, we’ve divided it into three separate posts. You can find the others here:• Pt 2…
Reimagining Our Relationships in a Time of Crisis
Whatever it is, coronavirus has made the mighty kneel and brought the world to a halt like nothing else could. Our minds are still racing back and forth, longing for a return to “normality”, trying to stitch our future to our past and refusing to acknowledge the rupture. But the rupture exists. And in the…
Special Snowflake Syndrome
We’re all a bunch of bad-ass mofos, no doubt, but there’s this regrettable thing that happens to some people when they discover BDSM that I thought might be helpful to talk about. When I say “regrettable”, I mean that if it happens to someone in your orbit, then one morning they’re probably going to wake…
I’m a slave but not submissive
If you want to see sparks fly in an online forum, just mention how you are a slave, but not submissive. Not possible, you’ll hear from many. Do you submit to your Master? Of course you do, so you must be submissive. To talk about this I think we first have to separate out personality…
Is it Topping from the Bottom?
No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or…
How to Dehumanise and Objectify the Dominant
So, my subby dating-app-using friend, is that torso pic and list of things you want done to you not getting the results you were hoping for? Clearly your bait is irresistible, so why aren’t the alpha fish biting? Let’s take a look at a few of the common reasons. YOU SAY YOU’RE A SUB BUT…