Is it Topping from the Bottom?

No-one is going to deny that Tops need feedback in a scene. This commonly includes the bottom communicating needs, discomfort and safety concerns. or communicating and processing their feelings in aftercare. At the same time, a basic working definition of topping from the bottom might be: “an attempt by the bottom to steer play or…

How to Dehumanise and Objectify the Dominant

So, my subby dating-app-using friend, is that torso pic and list of things you want done to you not getting the results you were hoping for? Clearly your bait is irresistible, so why aren’t the alpha fish biting? Let’s take a look at a few of the common reasons. YOU SAY YOU’RE A SUB BUT…

Submission Can Be Many Things

by Dark Vulcan To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object. Simone de Beauvoir Submission is a state of mind, not a status. It is a choice, and in BDSM play it is the gift the bottom brings to the scene. However the role-play…

Using Training to Keep BDSM Relationships Passionate

by Ayzad While physical practices allow fantasy to run wild, what really thrills BDSM connoisseurs is the opportunity to take advantage of the full-time regime to push the envelope of the most cerebral forms of domination. Few things can prove one’s ownership of a slave more than taking complete control over their life: when they…

Developing Rules for Your Relationship

If you’ve bounced in here from our previous article A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships, you might be thinking “well, he’s no fun” and it’s true, it wasn’t a particularly fun look at rule making. But, in that article I was talking about the newbie error of substituting rules for Dominance, and…

A Reverse Pyramid Look at Rules in BDSM Relationships

I think it’s common for Dominants/Masters who haven’t had a lot of experience with relationships to go into a new coupling issuing rules the way a parking inspector issues tickets. Way too many, way too quickly, and about all the wrong things. It’s understandable where this comes from. We quickly discover that Dominance/submission is a…

Quiz – Which of the Five Love Languages Do You Speak?

Gary Chapman’s best selling book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate posits five ways that we express and experience love: • Words of Affirmation • Acts of Service • Receiving Gifts • Quality Time • Physical Touch Everyone has a primary and a secondary love language. These are the…

5 Steps for Creating Healthy Kinky Relationships

It’s a bit of a “just for fun” day today (because Watts The Safeword is always fun), but there’s some solid wisdom in this great video about starting and continuing healthy kinky relationships: So, what were the 5 steps for creating a healthy kinky relationships from Amp and Mr Kristofer? Be Patient Be Open and…

Looking Into (and away from) the Mirror of Our D/s

When D/s is not just limited to that one moment of kneeling, but plays out every moment of the day when two individuals are together, that D/s magic becomes integrated and can find healthy expression in work, social life and family moments. – The Inner Selves of D/s relationship The D/s dynamic never happens in…