Cruising for a Bruising – The Savage World of BDSM Dating Apps

I’ve recently dangled my feet (again) in murky waters of the gay kink dating app Recon. With a leatherpup and a slaveboy of my own, my dance-card is full, so I’m not there cruising for action. It’s more like ethnographic research. If my regular hangouts on FetLife are like kink university halls, Recon is more…

Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: Cruising with Class (3/6)

by Ambrosio Part 1: General Principles Part 2: More Specific Guidelines Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging, Symbols and Rituals Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol & In Closing EXPECTATIONS OF SEX BDSM is not always about sex. BDSM is not synonymous with swinging, swapping, or Polyamory — although it’s possible for…

Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: More Specific Guidelines (2/6)

by Ambrosio Part 1: General Principles Part 3: Cruising with Class Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging, Symbols and Rituals Part 6: A Few Notes on High Protocol & In Closing SOCIALIZING & NETWORKING Socializing takes place at munches, general meetings, runs, and parties. Munches are semi-public gatherings of BDSM enthusiasts for the purpose…

Illustrated Guide – Hanky Codes (2)

This gorgeous poster of the Gay Leatherman’s Hanky Codes was months of research and work by Ben Bear, and he has released it as a free high-res download in two formats (a 2′ x 3′ poster or as 5 tabloid sized panels) on his Ace of Spades PDX website. This month’s poster coincides with Oregon…

Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol: General Principles (1/6)

by Ambrosio This is the first part of a 6 part series originally published as Play Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol on Ambrosio’s BDSM Site. See the end of this article for more details. Part 2: More Specific Guidelines Part 3: Cruising with Class Part 4: Play Parties Part 5: Flagging,…

YKINMKBYKIOK – Your Kink is Not My Kink, But Your Kink is OK

YKINMKBYKIOK is such a mouthful of an initialism that it’s commonly shortened to YKIOK (or sometimes YKINMK). It represents “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK”. It isn’t a foreign concept outside of kink circles. You’ll have heard it as “horses for courses”, “whatever floats your boat”, “different strokes for different…

Are Kinks Getting More Extreme?

Some people who’ve been in the BDSM scene a long time observe an escalation in the extremity of the things we do. It can certainly look that way in online communities. Safe, Sane and Consensual has given way to Risk Aware Consensual Kink, and there has certainly been a rise in popularity of identifiers like…

Looking Deeper into Why BDSM May Benefit Our Mental Health

A significant piece of academic research, published in 2013 by Wismeijer and van Assen, suggests that individuals involved in BDSM subcultures or self-identified as “kinkster” may be prone to have better mental health than the average population. Psychologists and researchers from the Netherlands carried out a qualitative study with a total of 1300 questionaires sent…