The Four Stages to Exploring Your Fantasy

No-one wakes up one morning and says “check it out, I’m into kink now”. We come to all things through a process. A desire takes root, and we prod at it and probe it to see whether it will stick or is just a passing fancy, and how important it is to us. Most of…

Quiz: How Kinky is Your Ideal BDSM Room?

It’s the silly season, so no apologies for the lameness of this work-distraction. Festive planning would be so much easier if it was multiple-choice like this quiz. Choose the elements that make up your fantasy BDSM room and let Buzzfeed tell you where you rate on the naughty scale. Design Your Own BDSM Sex Room…

Moving Beyond Maslow’s View of D/s and M/s Relationships

Most religions and moral systems see one of the great human problems as selfishness. A common and unifying philosophy is that personal development is a transcendence from the self to a larger purpose. Around the middle of last century, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and others aimed to liberate and enlarge the self. This was the…

Special Snowflake Syndrome

We’re all a bunch of bad-ass mofos, no doubt, but there’s this regrettable thing that happens to some people when they discover BDSM that I thought might be helpful to talk about. When I say “regrettable”, I mean that if it happens to someone in your orbit, then one morning they’re probably going to wake…

Clique Schisms

The crisis consists precisely in the fact that the old is dying and the new cannot be born Antonio Gramsci – Selections from the Prison Notebooks i’ve been clicking around recently looking for a sense of subcultural belonging. One of my favourite podcasts is nosafeword, and i stumbled across an episode called “Clique Schisms”. Sparky…

Fassinger’s Model: Mapping Our Journeys in Kink

This is a companion piece to our previous article The Cass Identity Model: Mapping Our Journeys in Kink In the same way that we looked at the Cass Sexual Identity Model, I’m going to attempt to re-situate Fassinger’s Model of Gay and Lesbian Identity Development in the context of BDSM subcultural identity formation. Fassinger’s Model…

The Cass Identity Model: Mapping Our Journeys in Kink

i grew up with the boom in technological advancement we call the Internet Era, so i am one of the so-called “lucky ones”. In my time, laptops and phones have become thin and the speed of the internet has grown fat, in something of an exponential graph. By the time i was 15 i had…

Are You a Pervert? Challenging the Boundaries of Sex

By Gonzalo R. Quintana Zunino Are you a pervert? I believe you are. This statement might offend you. Perhaps you wonder what would compel me to say something like that about you, especially since we’ve never met. However, a voice deep down inside of you might wonder if I am right. Maybe that voice is…

Living Vicariously: Porn Provides a Tasting Plate for Our Unspoken Fetishes

by Lauren Rosewarne Pornography is hardly an under-theorised medium. For decades, radical feminists have decried its imagery as an instruction manual for rape. As women being objectified, humiliated, tortured. As men receiving positive reinforcement for perpetuating degradation. For decades liberals – be they of the academic, activist or artistic ilk – have raged against slippery…

From the Dungeon to the Multiplex – How Bondage Has Gripped the Nation

by Kevin O’Gorman & Andrew MacLaren The surge of popular interest in BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism) that has resulted from the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy of novels has been something of a revelation. Beginning as texts whose relative marginality initially seemed ensured by both theme (BDSM) and format (online fan fiction), today…