YKINMKBYKIOK – Your Kink is Not My Kink, But Your Kink is OK

YKINMKBYKIOK is such a mouthful of an initialism that it’s commonly shortened to YKIOK (or sometimes YKINMK). It represents “your kink is not my kink, but your kink is OK”. It isn’t a foreign concept outside of kink circles. You’ll have heard it as “horses for courses”, “whatever floats your boat”, “different strokes for different…

Looking Deeper into Why BDSM May Benefit Our Mental Health

A significant piece of academic research, published in 2013 by Wismeijer and van Assen, suggests that individuals involved in BDSM subcultures or self-identified as “kinkster” may be prone to have better mental health than the average population. Psychologists and researchers from the Netherlands carried out a qualitative study with a total of 1300 questionaires sent…

Quiz – Discover your Personal Erotic Myth

 A Personal Erotic Myth (PEM) contains the fantasy imagery, story-lines, dialogue, props, settings attire,  personas and actions, that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often expressed in fetish, kink and D/s-BDSM oriented sex. Some people are quite aware of their PEM. Some may have multiple PEM’s…

Is It True That Power Corrupts?

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lord John Dalberg-Acton A question those of us in D/s relationships would be right to ask ourselves more often than others is: Does power corrupt? “Power corrupts” is a common enough saying, and usually it is pointing to behaviour that violates norms or values. In politics…

How to Dehumanise and Objectify the Dominant

So, my subby dating-app-using friend, is that torso pic and list of things you want done to you not getting the results you were hoping for? Clearly your bait is irresistible, so why aren’t the alpha fish biting? Let’s take a look at a few of the common reasons. YOU SAY YOU’RE A SUB BUT…

Finding a Path to Happiness in Kink

I bought a Kindle for my brother for Christmas and I’ve been collecting some ebooks up for him. He has a particular genre of book he likes to read. You might know what I mean if I mention authors like Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Rhonda Byrne and Stephen Covey. At the risk of grossly over-generalising,…

Zen and the Art of Dominance

In Zen Buddhism, there is the concept of ‘Nyo Ze’. It doesn’t translate well to English from the original Japanese, but a close match would be ‘like this, suchness.’ One great 13th Century Zen master – Dogen – said that in order to become a person of suchness, you have to first realize that you…

Spiritual Love (and Kink, and Other Mind Expanding Stuff)

It’s like two hearts, two minds, two bodies, two souls Making one whole, now it’s gotta be told That what we have is more than just physical Don’t be so cynical, we gotta spiritual love Feels so natural. More than physical. Spiritual love. Urban Species – Spiritual Love The Leather Lifestyle Group in Fetlife has…

From Stray to Collars, A Personal Journey

my first collar was granted to me by my Master, in small petshop in rural Malaysia. My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas with presents, and my first collar came to me on Christmas Day, which made it even more meaningful. Master, who was my Mentor at the time, gave me two taps on my right shoulder…