I’m going to bunch together the components of orgasm control, teasing and denial and just call it “orgasm control” for the purposes of this article. You’re probably familiar with it in a general sense. Here’s the Fetlife BDSM Glossary definition: orgasm control or denial: The practice whereby the subject is not permitted to reach sexual…
Tag: safewords
BDSM Traffic Light Safewords – How Do They Work (and Not Work)?
Most of us are aware of the traffic light safewords system as a safety measurement/communication during a scene. Basically, a Dominant checks in by asking “how do you feel?”, and the submissive uses “green”, “orange”, “red” to indicate the subjective intensity the submissive is experiencing. Generally, “green” means everything is good, and please proceed in…
Whips & Whipping 101, Part 9: For the Whip Bottom – Dealing with your Whip Top
By Jim the Whip Maker and Dick Carlson Part 1: Bulls, Snakes & Other Scary Critters Part 2: Swing & Target Practice Part 3: Long Whips Part 4: The First Crack Part 5: The First Shot – The Full Overhand Shot Part 6: The First Useful Shot – The Pick Up Part 7: The Real…
The Error of Silence
by Isaac Cross For those of us to the left of the slash (dominant, top, etc), we often make decisions for the good of our partners without telling them. Even with the best of intentions, these decisions often have the opposite effect if we fail to communicate. I recently had arranged for a particularly brutal…
Assent Matters
by SherynB Okay, there’s a 600lb gorilla in the room, and I’m done pretending it’s not there. What we do isn’t pretty or politically correct, and frankly, it’s dangerous if we can’t get (and stay) honest about the reality of it. So here it is as raw and real and un-PC as it is: There…
Quiz – What is Your Safeword?
Traffic lights are so pedestrian. your safeword can be just as individual as you are, and we have just the random generator for you. Try this fun picture match to see what your safeword could be. Take the quiz – What Should Your Safeword Be? OTHER FUN BDSM QUIZZES • Understand the Psychology of Your…
Negotiating Away the Stupidity
by y.t. One of the mental characteristics in a BDSM relationship i thought i should touch on is the subject of stupidity. Of course, “stupidity” is weighty, in vocations, and i was reluctant to jump into the fray without a life preserver. But since we’re on the subject, i want to put in my “two…
Safewords Aren’t About Trust or Love
We’ve talked about SSC vs RACK and Consensual Non-Consent (CNC), but what is the actual function of a safeword in BDSM practices and how important is it that you have one? If we frame a discussion in the terms of SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual), the safeword gives the ultimate power in a scene to…
Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)
The two basic negotiation concepts used in the BDSM community are SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). An extension of these concepts is consensual non-consent. CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENSUALITY A mutual agreement that within defined limits, or subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and to common sense, consent to activities…