There are as many different ways to do kink as there are people, but I want to discuss one particular type that is common enough to come up in discussion quite a lot — “a scene”. Specifically, a scene that you might do at home (which often has different characteristics to one in a public…
Category: Identities
Illustrated Guide – Pride Flags
It’s Pride Month in the US. A little known fact… the Rainbow Pride Flag designed by Gilbert Baker debuted in 1978 with 8 colours and each colour had a meaning. The most popular version now has 6 colours (as shown in the header image here). Wikipedia has a good summary of the history. Our understanding…
If It Ain’t Fixed, Break It – To Train or Not to Train?
The temperature in a room usually drops a couple of degrees when training is mentioned. It can leave many people who identify as M/s or D/s mystified. Common reactions include “BDSM is between adults, why would any intelligent person require training?” and “the only thing he ever needed to teach me was how he takes…
Orgasm Control, Teasing and Denial Can Set Your Long Distance Relationship On Fire
I’m going to bunch together the components of orgasm control, teasing and denial and just call it “orgasm control” for the purposes of this article. You’re probably familiar with it in a general sense. Here’s the Fetlife BDSM Glossary definition: orgasm control or denial: The practice whereby the subject is not permitted to reach sexual…
The Cuckold is Not Worthy of Your Glorious Being
Discussions on cuckolding tend to get complex very quickly, so let me start this with a couple of definitions from the BDSM Glossary Group on Fetlife: cuckold: A man with an “unfaithful” long term partner (i.e. a husband and wife where the wife has sex with other people). There are many variations on cuckolding, but…
The Four Stages to Exploring Your Fantasy
No-one wakes up one morning and says “check it out, I’m into kink now”. We come to all things through a process. A desire takes root, and we prod at it and probe it to see whether it will stick or is just a passing fancy, and how important it is to us. Most of…
You’re An Alpha Sub? What Do You Mean By That?
If you ask someone to identify themselves by role, there are all kinds of hybrid combinations you might hear in reply. One that’s sure to cause confusion is the Alpha sub, because there are several different ways to use the term, and at least one is contentious in the community. SOCIAL HIERARCHY The term “Alpha…
Calling Yourself an Alpha Dom Just Makes You Look Bad
You might think you are the most Domly Dom to ever have Dommed, but here’s a news flash: you’re not. Sorry, but with so many “Alphas” inhabiting the kink scene, not everyone can sit at the top of the BDSM food chain. There are certainly a few valid ways to use the term “Alpha”. It’s…
Quiz: How Kinky Are You?
A mindless multiple-choice quiz… just the thing if you’re still digesting too much turkey. Don’t expect too much from the results page of this one — mine said “Result: You’re More Than a Little Kinky”, which didn’t surprise me at all. But, I did surprise myself with the answers I gave to some of the…
Moving Beyond Maslow’s View of D/s and M/s Relationships
Most religions and moral systems see one of the great human problems as selfishness. A common and unifying philosophy is that personal development is a transcendence from the self to a larger purpose. Around the middle of last century, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and others aimed to liberate and enlarge the self. This was the…