From casual sex and swinging to open relationships to polyamory to D/s play… there are a lot of ways to do non-monogamy. And then there are the “don’t ask, don’t tells”, the 100 mile rule, cucks and hot-wives, and many other variants. Franklin Veaux created a map of non-monogamy in 2010 that pops up in…
Quiz: How Kinky Are You?
A mindless multiple-choice quiz… just the thing if you’re still digesting too much turkey. Don’t expect too much from the results page of this one — mine said “Result: You’re More Than a Little Kinky”, which didn’t surprise me at all. But, I did surprise myself with the answers I gave to some of the…
Quiz: How Kinky is Your Ideal BDSM Room?
It’s the silly season, so no apologies for the lameness of this work-distraction. Festive planning would be so much easier if it was multiple-choice like this quiz. Choose the elements that make up your fantasy BDSM room and let Buzzfeed tell you where you rate on the naughty scale. Design Your Own BDSM Sex Room…
Moving Beyond Maslow’s View of D/s and M/s Relationships
Most religions and moral systems see one of the great human problems as selfishness. A common and unifying philosophy is that personal development is a transcendence from the self to a larger purpose. Around the middle of last century, Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers and others aimed to liberate and enlarge the self. This was the…
Can I Teach My Partner to be a Dominant?
You want it, but it’s just not on your partner’s radar. It’s really not uncommon, and it’s a commonly recurring chat topic on forums like Fetlife: I got married two years ago, and while we’ve been together I’ve suppressed my urge to be submissive due to him being mostly vanilla. He says he wants to…
Slave to the Rhythm
Life in my household has a certain rhythm to it. It’s partly circadian rhythms — the natural rise and fall of the day and the patterns associated with that — and it’s partly a negotiated rhythm that is kept in place by protocol. I think of that as ritualistic rhythm. It starts and ends my…
Special Snowflake Syndrome
We’re all a bunch of bad-ass mofos, no doubt, but there’s this regrettable thing that happens to some people when they discover BDSM that I thought might be helpful to talk about. When I say “regrettable”, I mean that if it happens to someone in your orbit, then one morning they’re probably going to wake…
Erotic Hypnosis
The mention of hypnosis in the kink community often provokes quite hysteric reactions, so perhaps for the purposes of this introduction you could think of it as a kind of mind work, similar to meditation. Its purpose is to induce a trance-like mental state. That helps individuals to relax and access a deeper level of…
Pushing Boundaries Without Breaking Limits
I’ve taken a little snip from a thread on Fetlife that encapsulates a common viewpoint of Domination that I think contains both myth and jargon: … its important to realize that we also have to push boundaries to help a sub grow. Otherwise you stay in your little box and never get outside it. That…
Quiz – The Purity Test
We’ve been posting distracting quizzes for a while (see the links below), because even big ‘ol mean Doms have got to have some fun sometimes, but it occurred to me that we’ve never posted the Grand Daddy of all internet quizzes, The Purity Test. The Purity Test is a major timekiller, and very entertaining. The…