The Loneliness of the Long Distance Relationship submissive

i grew up in a small town and i started my BDSM journey through the Internet. i was a kid with a submissive nature that i didn’t know how to deal with, and the internet opened up a doorway for me to explore my sexuality as a slave/sub. After a few months of navigating through BDSM pornography, i journied deeper into searching for possible relationships (LDR) in chatrooms, blogs and on sites like Recon and Xtube.

i started my first D/s online relationship with some playful Dom in the US, claiming himself to be a Master. i knew it wasn’t really what real D/s was about, but i wasn’t experienced enough to know what was right or wrong about it.

i started living my sexuality online, through that tiny little webcam, and it was mutually consensual and there were some moments of emotional intimacy. i gained support through online community, and it was certainly heart warming to realise i wasn’t alone in the world i was living in.

The type of LDR i had with overseas guys is temporal. i felt some possible commitment to them, but there was never any physical connection or even any plan for physical connection in the future. It was “pure virtual LDR”, and it was often hard to dive in and out from the mental connection.

Imagine you are connected to the other person online, but in physical real life you have no idea what is going on over on the other side, and vice versa. It’s like your soul is being sucked to another place while your feet are on the ground. That kind of “pure virtual LDR” may serve as a temporal support when you are in a hostile world, but the online comfort and online support doesn’t carry over very well into the real world.

i am now in a different kind of LDR. my Master lives about 5 hours by bus from me, so it’s one with real physical interaction. This year we’ve seen each other every couple of months, as we work out the logistics and the schedules of each other’s lives, but it will get more frequent as things get smoother. We’ve just celebrated the first anniversary of my collaring, and we’ll be taking our first overseas holiday together next month.

It’s not without challenges. We still struggle with what is going on over on the other side and sometimes, when my phone runs out of battery power, it feels to me like my Master disappears from the world. It is especially difficult to interact without physical presence. i crave to physically kiss my Master’s feet to show my devotion, and instead i have to type “kissfeet” and leave it to the imagination of both sides. Sometimes, i physically kneel on the floor, hoping that the energy travels the few hundred kilometers that separates us. Sometimes, when i am feeling down, i can’t physically feel the warmth of the hug from Him. Sometimes, when Master gives an order, i misinterpret the tone and treat it as not being serious, because I can’t see His face or feel His energy. There are times when i am emotionally troubled, for all the days that i could not be with Sir and alpha, and i feel lonely.

Does it work? i don’t mean to paint it so badly. It certainly works, but it needs a lot of extra effort, a critical and creative mind, strong faith and firm love.

Many people choose LDR because LDR is the last resort and the only choice they have. For me personally, i’ve found the right Master and i’m devoted. There isn’t any energy bigger than love, and there isn’t anything in this universe that could stop me from taking this journey.


Do you find the emotional costs of a LDR heavy? And do the benefits outweigh that?


• Submissive Guide – Submitting in a Long Distance Relationship
• On A Magic Carpet Ride – Long Distance Relationships
• Leather N Roses – BDSM Long Distance Relationships
• FetLife – Long Distance Littles
• FetLife – 24/7 Long distance & Online relationships

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Tiff says:

    I am going through this right now…..almost 6 months in and I’m an emotional mess….I miss Him constantly. Sub drops are hideous and I get moody with Him out of pure frustration 😔 Help

    1. boy denon says:

      Hi Tiff,

      there is no other people can help you except the one You love and You Yourself.

      LDR is difficult and always put emotional and mental well being at stake. i suggest You start communicating with your Dom and making sure both of You stay at the same page.

      2. remain social interaction in your everyday life, go do what normal people would do. I.e: exercise, watch movie, work, etc. and regain the balance of your life. While remain virtual connectivity in a minimal/ mentally healthy way that fits into You and Your Dom’s everyday life.

      3. i can’t help you here, mainly because i don’t know what exactly you are dealing with, explains why i can only give very general suggestion. feel free to contact me if you need a listener. LDR is certainly difficult, one day you feel really intimate as if the relationship is as real as non distance relationship, one day you feel your relationship is as fragile as the empty air bubble.

      but anyway, i wish you all the best.

  2. Leischa says:

    I do find it difficult and I think that you explained it very well.

    I’m glas to read that what I’ve been through within my current long distance relationship is “normal”. I’d often think that I was emotionaly unstable or something because it’s true that one day you can feel so close to the other one and feel like things are almost the opposite the next.

    But the whole thing can be so intense and wonderful that I just want to keep giving Him my best. Nothing is easy…. but sometimes the things that require the most work are those that are also the most rewarding. 🙂

    1. boy denon says:

      Hi Leischa

      LDR is definitely challenging for some of us, but once you learn and develop a steady and stable coping mechanism to LDR. Psychologically, it helps you to deal with LDR smoother, and it will becomes something that is manageable in your everyday life.

      i am glad You found some level of comfort from this article, it is my honour.


  3. Frenzy Submy says:

    You really GOT ME HERE!
    I’m in a LDR, and first timer Submissive to an adorable French mature Dominant…
    We actually met in Madrid in 2004, while I was living there. He was the boss of my boss. We dated and I just could not have sex with him, ’cause it was our first night ever together.. it isn’t my style… But now you have no ideas how I regret not to have had sex with him. I came back to my country and out of the blue we run each other f……….n ‘online’, and sent each other pictures. And right there that energy you’re talking about…. is soooo strong between us! We’ve started to fantasize until he went with the best sex proposal I’ve ever had. Is the D/S relationship with third parties. Mostly women and I’m bisexual and queer. To it his very overwhelmed. It’s already been a mere of two months…. Next proposal was also to do as much as possible to get me a tkt and accommodation to take me to Paris to finally reunite again… And exactly today we talked about it… I told him it’s been hard for me, I’m been sexually overstimulated almost every day. Once I felt as if I didn’t have to use my hands to cum…..! I mean it! And he used that horrible word: The ‘logistics’ are turning a bit hard and slow… please be patient. Amazing. WE’ve, I believe him, have fallen in love. Anyway our Domy is married, whereas this Submy is ALONE! It’s totally unfair…. The time will tell as always. Thanks a lot for your blog, it’s very accurate!

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