Change happens all the time in life, and so does transition in our mental state. Quite often, transitions happen in the back of our mind without us even being aware. Anything, from large (a change of living environment) to small (altering an everyday routine), requires us to make adjustments, and of course some are easy to make than others.
i wanted to focus on one transition that is specifically associated with those of us who practice Master/slave long distance relationships (LDR).
WHAT ARE M/s LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?
It could be the other side of the globe, or it could be across town. Master/slave long distance relationships literally happen, at least for some percentage of the time, at a distance.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE PART?
When we’re together it’s intense. The Master enjoys being served and the slave enjoys being dominated and taken care of. Power dynamics crackle in the air, which makes parting extremely difficult, especially for those of us who see those power dynamics as part of their identity.
When we transit from offline to online, all kinds of challenges can set in. The slave may feel they are not being appreciated, the Master may feel isolated by the fact that They are not being served physically. It’s easy to see how slaves who are serious about their BDSM role and relationship may feel “lost in life”, not sure what to do and how to serve at a distance. After a period of physical presence of the Master, it’s a major transition to go back to being independant.
WHAT CAN BE DONE TO EASE THE TRANSITION?
Firstly, it’s important to recognise that being a slave (especially at a distance) means needing a certain level of independence anyway. We need to be always thinking in order to serve well. That includes:
• being flexible enough to adjust our mental state quickly
• knowing when to be present because we are needed, and allowing space when that is what Master needs
• anticipating and being prepared
It can be a difficult role to perform. slaves are humans too, so of course we have feelings and we can’t always snap them on and off like a light-switch.
So, being aware, sane and conscious about the situation is the first thing we can do to help, or at least not worsen, the transition.
Secondly, remember to communicate. A lot! When we’re at a distance, all we have is our communication, so its importance is amplified. If both parties are feeling frustrated, then there can be arguments, and that’s OK as long as you conduct yourself in a proper manner. It’s OK to express yourself, no-one is a mind reader, particularly if there’s distance. Online tools like messaging are great, but they’re flawed and blunt instruments. Communicating clearly is an essential skill. Always remember why you are in the relationship, and most definitely do not let arguments escalate to aggressive levels, such as talk of uncollaring. Things are different when you are together and there is magic, so it’s important to keep reminding yourself of that.
Lastly, transition feelings happen. Don’t beat yourself up about it and wonder why you can’t “handle it better”. If we moved to a new country we’d feel culture shock and we’d totally understand that. Going offline to online in Master/slave long distance relationships is just another form of that same thing. It’s natural. It’s OK to feel some emotional turmoil, and giving the emotional turmoil a label allows you to forgive yourself about feeling shitty.