Chastity – Dealing with Intense Emotions and Difficult Communication

Most guys who take chastity beyond a couple of hours, or a couple of days, are no longer doing it just for fun. It becomes a tool for devotion, power exchange and emotional connectivity. It is about letting go of your ego and letting someone you submit to take charge of your body.

Like a collar, it not only symbolises ownership of your body, but locks you down, physically and emotionally, to your Master. A collar is a chain or strap and a lock that goes around your neck and symbolises that your body and mind is owned. A chastity cage grabs your genitals and controls any chance of erection. It is an active form of participation in terms of ownership, a constant reminder of who has the key, who owns you sexually.

In comparison to a collar, which is reasonably straightforward, the chastity experience dials up quite quickly. Day one it is erotic. Day two you crave to make your keyholder happy, Day three you are desperate for Him. By day 7 you will do anything for Him.

Chastity as a lifestyle and as part of power exchange (TPE) is different from chastity as kinky fun. We don’t crave to be unlocked, and any thought of “begging to cum” is transformed into “i am devoted, please use me for Your pleasure, unlock me whenever You like, or don’t if You don’t”.  Long term chastity – in the context of M/s – is not about when you will orgasm next, it is about TPE, letting your Master own your body entirely, and knowing that He will unlock it if He wants it and when He wants it.

Symbolically speaking, a chastity cage may not be as powerful as a collar, but sexually and in the everyday life of M/s practises, it may very well be more powerful.

Whips can give you an intense sub-drop, imprisonment can give you mental dissociation, and chastity has its own power and mental energy. But, because it’s a mental journey, it’s important to remember that it grows, morphs and changes constantly. It’s a dynamic, so it doesn’t work well with rigid protocols and rules that are not monitored.


Many people experience emotional instability with chastity, particularly in the early days. What starts out as erotic and fun can quickly turn into intense, and that intensity can be positive or negative.

When the intensity of chastity starts peaking, our mental being is existing in a very heightened space, but release is denied by the keyholder. Without the cage, you’re free to jerk yourself off for stress relief, but when we’re locked up our Owner deliberately boils us in that heighten state of mind. He can (metaphorically) grab your dick tightly in His hand and direct that high sexual energy into devotion and submission to Him.

Great, it is a tool for Power Exchange, but without close monitoring this part of power exchange is often unknown to the Owner. If your Owner is paying close attention to you, it can be a space where your keyholder is watching you squirm and struggle. And when your keyholder is also at the peak of sexual energy, it’s like two excellent and energised tennis players smashing balls back and forth in an intense and high-speed volley over the net. Strong power exchange is happening, the Owner and His slave.

But the nature of chastity often means that the caged submissive is focused a lot more on the dynamic and the Owner than the Owner is. The caged sub is being constantly reminded, physically and emotionally, so his focus can be very strong. That can lead to instability. The slave may crave for attention, and the Owner might not understand that the key that He is holding is so powerful, and take it negatively.

Chastity is an active entrapment of sexual energy of the slave in the hand of the Owner. Often it can be overlooked that the Master must have a desire for a slave that constantly craves His attention. As the Master of a chastity slave, You must want Your slave to suffer and struggle for You. Then the equation is balanced, and the power exchange flows nicely back and forth.

Most keyholders will not have experienced chastity over a long period themselves. They hold the key, but they don’t necessarily understand that a small device can send their subs into an almost constant subspace. That can lead to miscommunication and not understanding that chastity is more than erotic fun for the subs.

The frustration being described is mainly the dynamic not in alignment. You may have cum yesterday and the day before yesterday, and hence You have an escape for Your dominant energy, but Your sub may not have cum for months, and there is no escape for his submissive energy.

When submissive energy is so strong, it can feels like the submissive is pushing the Dom for more dynamic. The Dom may feel annoyed and tell the sub to relax and chill, or worse, tell the sub to shut up. And the sub can’t do anything but float in this space of submission, frustrated by his Dom, but unable to explain this frustration.

The sub may also get to a point of no longer feeling “erotic and sexual”. Some do, some don’t, depending on the individual. In that state, if the focus of the sub is on connection and relationship when the focus of the Dom switches to lust, lines of communication can easily get confused.


In this heighten state of mind, where you are so focused on relationship and sexual needs, there is nowhere to run, and if you are dealing with other life stresses it can be difficult. We’ve all got different forms of escapism. We watch TV, have sex or read books to escape from reality. We’re sexual beings, and for many of us one of the big stress relievers is a good orgasm. We cum and our body relaxes and we feel better tomorrow.

Chastity prevents you from escaping the ownership. It’s so massive that you can’t turn your vision away from it. If there are issues and tensions in your relationship, there is no way for you to temporarily escape from it. You are trapped in this mental prison by your Owner.

But, if You are having a smooth M/s relationship, chastity will certainly continuously train your devotion and submission. As time goes by, you will move past the challenges and feel more and more satisfaction as a devoted slaveboy.

It is a journey of discovery. In the mental prison of chastity you get to know yourself a lot better than you would have. It may be a tough journey, but it is a trip towards the honest truth of your sexual, emotional and life’s desires. The honest truth may hurt and haunt you at the end of the journey. Perhaps the next question is, after you understand more about yourself and have some truthful answers, what will you do with the information?

Further Reading

The Science Behind Male Chastity


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