Human Puppy Play & BDSM Training 3: Biology – Veterinary Tips for the Human Dog

by Brian Dawson

This is part 3 of a 4 part series on puppy play.

Part 1: Finding the Headspace
Part 2: Types of Dogs and Puppies
Part 4: Basic Training

POSTURE & MOVEMENT

There are certain inherent differences in the physiological functioning of humans when compared to dogs. The first that comes to mind is also the most basic, being posture.

Dogs are designed to walk on all fours, humans aren’t. The good news here is that they can get good at it, even to the point of developing poise and a certain degree of grace on the floor. The bad news is that this kind of poise also tends to fade rapidly when not practiced. Some pointers to keep in mind are that, although “hands & knees” seems more appropriate, and initially more comfortable, it isn’t. For restive moments and light play being on hands and knees is fine, but for good walks, running, romping, frolicking, and a host of other doggie style behaviors it puts an undue strain on the musculature and connective tissues as well as the spine. Dogs walk digit grade, that is, on their toes. From the practical standpoint this is the best way for a human dog to move about, particularly when performing fuller movements. Being on the hands and toes can be very strenuous until the dog gets used to it, but as the muscles in the legs adapt it becomes much more relaxed and fluid than it is in the very beginning. It also becomes much easier over time to directly replicate a host of other canine behaviors from this position as opposed to approximating them from a hands and knees stance. A good example here is that pelvic motion is much less limited with the knees off the floor, adding to a fuller and more realistic wag of the tail and humping motion from the pup.

SLEEPING

Another point to remember is that the shoulders and hips of a dog are hinged entirely differently than humans. You’ll notice that a biological dog’s head rests easily on the floor when laying on its side.

For human dogs laying on the side places the head on the top edge of the shoulder, bending the spine – not well for sleeping. This can cause big problems over time, but there is a simple remedy. Although biological dogs don’t use pillows, human dogs to some extent need them. To a certain degree it is an aesthetic concession in a scene, but if you value your dogs health and ability to perform you’ll give him one at bedtime. For those of you who really hate the idea there are alternatives – for example, a soft canvas sack stuffed with old socks and various other funky items makes a nice dog pillow.

In addition to a pillow, a human dog does need a bed — at least some of the time. Unfortunately, the structure of the human anatomy is not conducive to sleeping on the side or all curled up on a hard surface. Over time a human dog can begin to experience cramping, extremely tight muscles, atrophy of certain connective structures, and some of the milder forms of arthritis — not good if you want a healthy pet. Any kind of large puppy pad, an old blanket folded in the corner, or even an extra large dog bed (available at most chain pet stores) will do nicely. You also might like to let him up on the bed every now and again when he’s been exceptionally good.

FLEXIBILITY

Last, but perhaps most important, is flexibility. Dogs are designed to carry out a certain range of motions, some of which humans cannot directly match. How many men have you met that could lick their own nuts? If you want a dog who has a more than ample range of flexibility for most tasks, the teach him to stretch when he rises. It’s easy, and dogs do it almost every time the stand up. Starting from a hands and knees position, with the toes on the floor, the dog should slowly raise his rump in the air while straightening his arms, back, and legs. Done correctly, the dog winds up looking like an inverted “V” for a moment. This will gently stretch the back, pelvic muscles, and hamstrings – three critical areas in the scheme of a human dog’s health. Need I mention the fact that this is a very basic dog behavior anyway?

Now for those of you with even higher aspirations here’s the scoop on licking those nuts, as well as using the rear legs to scratch behind the ears. Yes, it can be done. No, it is NOT easy to become flexible enough to do this, let alone maintaining it, but it is possible. My immediate suggestion to any dog seeking to add this to his stable of abilities or any master looking to get the best from his pet is to forget it unless you’ve got the time, patience, and commitment to pull it off. The process is slow, tedious, moderately risky, and requires daily maintenance. It involves full body flexibility, focused on for the challenge. If you choose to follow through, then focus your attention first on the legs, particularly the hamstrings.

As you progress, involve the pelvic region and hips more and more in your routine. Finally add the back (particularly lower), taking care to stretch the opposing muscles across the front of the body in order to avoid damaging posture.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

SMPIssue3Brian Dawson has given workshops on dogslave training and the “dog mind”.

This piece first appeared in S/M Perspectives (Vol 2, Issue 3), independently published in Vancouver by Rainfall Press in 2004.

2 Comments Add yours

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *