by Author Unknown
Erotic pain is something that is very difficult to explain unless there is something inside of you that draws you toward it. Many subs crave it, it settles them down. I’m sure you know many endorphins are released in the body when it is “stressed” during a spanking or more intense activities such as a whipping or caning. It is a form of “high” that can be very addicting. So be warned *grin*.
I have noticed many connections between subspace and hypnosis, and you may find that she becomes very open to your suggestions. After all, she loves and trusts you, is completely focused upon your every word, knows not to resist (and doesn’t want to) and, in addition, you are taking her out of her critically thinking mind and putting her back into her body. Much of the erotic pain that is involved in D/s serves to shut down her actively thinking mind so she is free to feel and respond spontaneously and that is where much of the freedom in submission can be found.
The following quote illustrates this very well:
When you are in pain….your focus, your awareness…becomes focused on sensation. I have a very busy mind….always ruminating over one thing or another… The pain allows me to focus on sensation and really release myself from the world. This is only one aspect…but an important one. The pain stimulus does wonders too. My physical reactions… arousal, is spurred immediately by the slap of a paddle or the pinch of a clamp.
Let’s get into this a little deeper… How can “pain” be erotic? How can something that “hurts” be desirable? After all, don’t we spend much of our time and energy in avoiding pain?
To answer this apparent contradiction, you need to explore the word “pain”. It’s really not the right word… When you label something with a word, the mind has a tendency to stop right there and not look further. One thing that I love about D/s is it lets you explore feelings and sensations in great depth and safety that most people run away from.
Pain has a negative connotation and we all think of it as undesirable. The word “erotic” is often put in front of the word pain to indicate that the sting of a paddle is a sensation very much desired and is quite different than stubbing your toe! How the sensation is perceived depends on many conditions: the intensity of the sensation, its location on the body, the degree of sexual arousal, and the subs mental/emotional state of mind at the time.
A Pleasure Spanking
We’ll explore “erotic pain” a bit more with the example of a pleasure spanking. Let’s start with a woman’s bare bottom over your lap –nice image, right? *g* You could start with simply caressing her bottom with your hand, stroking it softly to sensitize the area, allowing her to relax and place her attention there. This helps her let go of her thoughts and settle into her body and all the wonderful sensations that it can give her.
The caressing alone should be arousing, but the position of being naked and over your lap also puts her in a submissive state of mind. Feeling that she is being controlled by you is essential in enabling her to “stay” with the sensations she will be receiving, to absorb it without mentally “running away”.
Your stroking and caresses now turn into *light* hand spanks given in a regular rhythm over her cheeks. Is this “painful”? Nope, not in the slightest — it feels *good* — and is just a slightly stronger sensation than being caressed by your hand. However, one important element is being added… she is now being “spanked” and that word alone can have an incredible sexual charge for her. She’s no longer a woman who has to be in charge of the multitude of demands on her, but is now under your control. YOU are taking care of *her*. All responsibilities have been removed from her and she can start to let go of herself to just *feel* the sensations you are creating.
More Thoughts on Spankings
Spankings in themselves are a fascinating study. They contain so many different and apparently contradictory emotions that it is difficult to sort them all out. Your first thoughts about spankings are probably connected to your childhood years, and if you reflect back for a moment childhood memories and emotions seem somehow bigger than life.
The following list of emotions connected to spankings all relate directly to what a sub *wants* to feel with her Master. There is a feeling of helplessness, of having no choice but to place herself over your lap. Her dress lifted out of the way and her panties pulled down so she is exposed to you. There’s also a feeling of embarrassment… here she is an adult, still being treated as a child…
During the spanking you are emphasizing that you are in control and she is accepting it. In fact, the harder the spanking is, the more your both feel your roles. If you are spanking her for a reason, you are demonstrating that you care enough about her to watch over her and correct her and she knows that when the spanking ends, all will be over and forgotten so she can give herself permission to drop her own thoughts over her behavior and use the spanking as a motivation to improve herself in the future.
Okay, back to the pleasure spanking again. As she is laying across your lap enjoying the light spanks and feeling of being submissive, what she is probably wanting at this point is for you to start spanking harder! As her bottom gets warmed up, the more used to the sensation she becomes. It now loses its initial intensity which increases the desire to feel something a bit stronger.
At this point as a Master, you can allow yourself to enjoy the power over her that she wants to give you. You can give yourself permission to spank harder thus emphasizing that you are the one in control and can do to her exactly as you please — which is very much what she wants to feel as a submissive.
Now the spanks become harder but she is ready for them and has been waiting for you to take her to the next level of sensation. If you reach one hand underneath her and place a finger on each side of her clit, you can continue to spank her and simultaneously give her more direct sexual pleasure. The more aroused she becomes, the more her perception of the sting will change and become transformed into that delicious combination of pleasure/pain that we love so much. (Again, it’s still not pain but I have no better word.)
At this point, I’m sure you’ll find her squirming over your lap. Is she quivering from the sting or from the pleasure? Good questions, isn’t it? The answer is that they both compliment each other, each sensation allowing her to more enjoy the other.
Many women can actually be spanked to a climax this way. The trick is to keep escalating her sexual arousal and then to take the spanking to the next level of sensation as she is ready to handle it. A spanking given in this way is a *peak* experience and one that becomes very addicting, especially if it results in a strong climax. Don’t put any pressure on yourself or her to create a climax though. If it happens it happens and you don’t want to spank too hard or too long in the hopes of creating one or to give her the feeling that she will be displeasing you if she cannot climax.
Feedback During a Spanking
During a spanking like this, it is very important to get feedback from her as to how she is taking it. One thing I like to do is to have the woman thank me when I give her the “perfect” spank. A simple “Thank you, Master” after the stroke does not put her in charge of the spanking at all. In fact, it will probably make her feel more submissive to you as you are the one who decides if she gets another spank of equal intensity or if it is time to push her to the next level. On your part, it is very reassuring to get this feedback from her as you can let go of any thoughts that you are “hurting” her or going too far beyond what she can endure.
Another idea is to tell her to lift up her behind to the paddle as if welcoming its stroke. If you tell her this when the spanking is the most erotic for her, the next time she may unconsciously offer her bottom to you as a signal that she wants *more* of whatever you are doing to her.
Many Doms have their sub count strokes. This has several advantages. First, it focuses their mind upon the activity. The more you shut down the mind, the deeper she can go into her submission and the more she will surrender control to you. The other advantage is that it lets you hear the tone of her voice so you can gauge how she is reacting to her spanking.
One point I’d like to make is that it’s very difficult to ask her if she is enjoying it as you are giving her some good spanks. First, it puts her back into her critically thinking mind which is NOT what you want to do. Also, most women become very non-verbal at times like this and it will be difficult for her to say much of anything. This next point is very important to understand. As the spanking escalates she both wants/doesn’t want harder spanks. After your hand falls and the sting is at its greatest, she may not want another one. However, just a few seconds later she does… After her spanking, she’ll probably be wondering if she could have taken more.
Your strength as a Master is essential in making this all work. She wants the sensations and at the same time knows they will be a challenge to her. She is depending upon your ability to read her without asking, and in your strength and confidence in bringing her to a peak experience.
As the spanking intensifies, you’ll reach the point where she’ll be close to being overloaded. Maybe a few ouches are escaping from her. Do NOT be afraid of them. If she was not taken slightly beyond what she wanted, she would not feel as if she was truly being spanked. Instead, it would feel to her like it was something done just for her.
It is essential to understand the pushing of her limits this way and touches upon a very meaningful part of her submission. She is taking the spanking for *you*. When you are getting close to her limits, she will find it helpful if you lovingly tell her, “Take it for me, sweetheart. Take a good spanking for your Master.” This will often push her deeper into subspace which will allow her to accept more sensation. It is both a gift she makes to you, as well being a wonderful display of her submission. She wants you to enjoy the freedom to spank her as hard as you may wish. This is an example of the balance inherent in both your roles. When spanking her you are feeling your dominance and she is feeling her submission.
To be able to push limits, you must do a lot of pondering as to your motivation and intent. There is much self-exploration to be done before you trust yourself enough to really let loose with your sub knowing it is what she wants and to be confident in yourself that you are not misusing her emotions toward you. To do so would be a complete betrayal of her love and trust in you and would have disastrous consequences.
Of course, in a loving relationship you want a balance between what you want and what she can handle and that is where much of the emotional connection and incredible thrill is to be found. A good spanking should be like a dance between the two partners with you in the lead and she accepting and following.
The Spanking’s Conclusion
As the spanking is reaching its conclusion you may be hearing more “ouches” than moans of pure pleasure. Let me talk about the “ouches” for a moment. Many women want to be spanked to this point and would feel cheated if they did not reach this level. When she has to struggle to endure the sting, several things are happening. First is that to handle the increased intensity she will need to go deeper into her submissive feelings. She is taking the spanking for *you* and an “ouch” is proof of that. This is much more important if the spanking is given as a “punishment” to correct her behavior than in a pleasure spanking which is for both your enjoyment. At the same time, an “ouch” is a challenge of her, it test her ability to transform the sensation into something more pleasurable.
Never underestimate the pride a submissive woman takes in being able to absorb these kinds of sensations. It is part of her being a good slavegirl which is something she wants to be. It is inseparably linked to her love for you. She longs to give *you* pleasure by her submission and if she senses that you truly enjoy spanking her (and I hope you do) she wants to be able to take as much as you want to give.
At this point, you may want to slow down or even stop the spanks and resume some light caresses, enjoying the warm glow of her bottom while continuing to stroke her pussy so you can let some of the sting go away and at the same time build back up her level of sexual excitement. You may then want to resume the spanking or give her a climax in any number of wonderful ways which I don’t think you need me to instruct you on!
More Intense Erotic Pain
For many women, the spanking I described above would be considered very light and they crave something much more intense. Not all women have this desire for greater intensity and everyone’s response is different. What they took one day they may not be able to approach the next. It all depends on their mental, emotional and physical state at the time. It does seem to be a rule that the deeper they are in subspace the more they can handle.
This is a subject that you need to talk about in great detail with your slavegirl and to explore very slowly and carefully with. I won’t get into the subject of safewords as a signal on when the sub is approaching or has reached her limits, but it’s something you need to research.
Here’s an excerpt from a conversation that talks a little about how the perception of “pain” varies for everyone.
Why do you enjoy pain?
I don’t really experience it as pain. Somehow the neurons cross and what starts out as pain becomes interpreted as pleasure.
Even when it is very hard?
Especially when it is very hard… The allowing of the very hard, seems to speed the transition to pleasure. A soft spank is not nearly as pleasurable as a hard spank, unless I know that a hard one is going to follow. I *feel* the pain on my bottom, but by the time it travels up to my brain, it *feels* great. It’s only when it’s really hard that I know I have truly given up control. I do like to feel that my spanker has my best interests at heart as well as taking his own pleasure…
If you have difficult as a Master in creating the intensity of sensation that your sub desires, here are a few things to think about that may help. First, go at your own pace. It is always better to do less than more. Watch her reactions to what you are doing to her. See how wet she is… Though she may not be able to verbally communicate this to you at the time, watch her body language and listen to the tone of her moans. If her body is pulling away from you, you may want to slow down. If she is making herself more available to the paddle she maybe non-verbally saying she wants more.
Some women have the ability to climax while being given an intense sensation like a caning with no other sexual touching at all. Once you see how intensely pleasurable it is for them you will become more relaxed with what is happening. After all, the goal here is the pleasure of both parties. Everything must be consensual and there should never by any harm done to her body save a few stripes or bruises which she will probably love admiring and showing off as proof of her submission to you and the pride in knowing what she took to get them.
Ideas on creating Erotic Pain
If your sub loves spankings, try placing her on her back with her legs widespread. Kneel beside her and using your hand, give her some light spanks on her mound and vulva. (If she is shaved, this works even better!) Start light and let the intensity slowly increase. Check her reaction. You may find that a combination of hard spanks followed by some quick and lighter spanks over her vulva and clit can result in a very intense climax for her.
Nipple clips are usually the first item to be attached to your sub during the start of a scene. If adjustable, they can provide a slight pinch which can be increased as her arousal grows. There are some designs that have bells attached to each nipple clip which is a wonderfully erotic reminder that she is your pleasure slave.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
We are very fussy about plagarism, but we honestly can’t find an author for this. It’s been passed around the community on blogs and always credited to “author unknown”. Our version comes from KinkyLittleGirl. The original article was titled Having a D/s Relationship – Why She Wants to be Submissive (on KinkyLittleGirl’s site), but the writing took a tangent in the middle to spend some time talking about spanking, which we have reposted here. We have posted the core of the article as Being a Master – Why She Wants to be Submissive and How to Enjoy Your Slave.
No doubt, it is one person’s personal view of what they want in a relationship and what brings them pleasure. YMMV. However, I think some of this touches the core of what many of us want in a D/s relationship in a practical and down to earth way.