From Stray to Collars, A Personal Journey

my first collar was granted to me by my Master, in small petshop in rural Malaysia. My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas with presents, and my first collar came to me on Christmas Day, which made it even more meaningful. Master, who was my Mentor at the time, gave me two taps on my right shoulder in the shop. i knelt, he placed it around my neck and tested the fit. On the way out, the man behind the counter (who I’m sure was watching the whole thing on CCTV) asked Master what kind of dog he had, and he replied “local mongral”.

i vividly remember how right it felt to me. For submissives like me, a collar means everything to the soul. you can have no bed, roof over your head or any kind of material objects in your life, but if you have a collar over your neck that is locked by someone special, you will be safe. At least that’s how i feel about it.

That collar was a collar of consideration, though i didn’t know it at the time. i was instructed specifically that although it celebrated our bond, and meant that he was always close, it did not symbolise ownership. i was still a free agent.

At that time, Master and I lived 400km apart and I was about to undertake a major life upheaval to move to the capital city and begin a university degree. It was not a time to be making commitments and Master refused to talk about what might or might not happen in the future.

After a difficult year, i was invited to visit Master, still not knowing his intentions, and at the end of that trip i was granted a house leather collar and a choke-chain collar, both with tags engraved with my name. i was owned, and granted the right to refer Mentor, as Master.

It has been four years since i met Master, and the sensations and feelings of the collars, and what they mean to me, have changed over time.

There have been times when i felt like, through the collar, i could take on the entire world with no worries, protected, loved and cared for.

And, there have been times when it was so painful that it send pulses to the deepest part of my core, tightened my chest and almost stopped me from breathing.

Dealing with both of those feelings has made me tougher and stronger.

collars3Metaphorically, collars resemble the pulse of the relationship — the experiences, and interactions between me and my Master, the locked and the one who locks. But, I think the strength of the collar, the magic or capabilities of the collar, is a reflection of the wearer. If you are a weak person, your collar will have weak power. If the collar means nothing but a casual D/s exchange, then that is what it means to you.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), BDSM and D/s power exchange is a core aspect of my identity. As a submissive in a polyamorous long distance relationship, my collars have developed to reflect how i navigate my submissive soul, and how Master navigates His dominance over my soul. i have to sacrifice what i desire, accept and give in to what Master wants me to be, despite my own cravings and eagerness about what i desire the sensation of my collars to be. He sets the pace. i have learned to accept what my collar means to my Master and Master’s household as a whole.

The collar represents me, as a submissive who continues to serve and devote my soul to my Master unconditionally, despite my own difficulties in life.

Today, like every day, i have this collar around my neck; but the existence of the collar has already sunk far underneath my skin. The physical object is no longer determining how i feel about it, and I would experience the same pain and pleasure of the collar without the collar itself.

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