Underneath Conflict and Frustration

Recently, my Master and i have bumped into some difficult situations in our long distance M/s dynamic. We have been making some deliberate changes to the control and management parts of our relationship, and in the past two weeks we have had to take time out for some intense discussions almost every two to three days.

What I have learned in the past few weeks is that there are always reasons underneath every conflict and frustration. Some of the frustrations may be personal. There might be situations where it is perceived that i am not submissive enough, or that i have not kept a promise that i made.

But, most of the time, the frustrations really aren’t personal. We get caught up with the emotions, and things can get really difficult when that happens.

i am not a perfect submissive. In fact, if there was an Old Guard chart of submissive qualifications, i don’t think i have many good submissive/slaveboy qualities. i have my own problems, flaws and defects — perhaps more than an ordinary human being. i have probably disappointed many people in my social circles — my parents, friends and many others who have got close to me.

The thing that i do appreciate about myself is the fact that i kept trying everyday. When i get tired of the world, i rest and i continue trying to balance myself and to bring happiness to Master, and bring goodness to the world that i live in.

conflict2Often when conflict or frustration happens, it has the potential to be damaging to a dynamic, especially a D/s dynamic. Especially when things happen in distance, it can be extremely hard to bring two hearts together after a tornado comes in and wreaks havok. You can’t hug it out (or slap it out). You can’t really do anything except to just be there and keep it flowing and hope for better weather.

i think something crucial that i have learned from the conflicts and frustration that we have is how our emotions and moods affect the judgement that we have towards our partner. It is like showing a volcano exploding to substitute for a sex scene in a movie. The volcano has nothing to do with sex, but it is very easy for the audience to watch that explosion and associate it with sex.

In LDR conflicts, our frustration can be a mere dissatisfaction of our life, or work, or confusion, but it can easily become associated with our partner’s incapability to provide us with the things that we want in our relationship’s dynamic.

The conflict and frustration itself can be something like an infected wound, where the infection isn’t from the cut itself but from external bacteria that’s outside of our control to keep away. We just need to take antibiotics, rest, and keep the wound clean.

It’d be unnatural if we didn’t all have our moments of difficulty in our relationships, be it Master and slave, Dominant and submissive, some kind of vanilla relationship or a polyamory relationship. Some relationships are more difficult and complex than others, some are more diverse and loosely knotted than others. For me personally, i think if you truly love someone and truly want a relationship to work, difficulties and challenges are supposed to be in the way. They help us grow. No-one enters a relationship and expects a smooth exchange to drop down from the sky every day like a cozy cloud. Whatever happens, happened, we have loved each other and that will always keep us moving forward and trying to make it work better.

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