Using Training to Keep BDSM Relationships Passionate

by Ayzad

While physical practices allow fantasy to run wild, what really thrills BDSM connoisseurs is the opportunity to take advantage of the full-time regime to push the envelope of the most cerebral forms of domination.

Few things can prove one’s ownership of a slave more than taking complete control over their life: when they wake up, what and when they eat, at what time and how they groom themselves… even permission to use the toilet. Every little aspect of the day can become an opportunity to impose one’s will and tinge even the most trivial actions with a special meaning. This shouldn’t necessarily be interpreted as sacrifice: some dominants proudly guide the career, diet, studies or fitness training of their subs, notably enhancing their quality of life.

The ability to develop your sessions over several consecutive days – or even months – allows you to orchestrate scenarios of rare intensity. The days are filled with a thrilling sense of expectation for the next meeting, the following order, and each new step forward on the path of erotic slavery coveted by both partners. Knowing that this will be an unending submission puts both the sub and Dom in a very different state of mind compared to those who live BDSM only as an occasional game.While physical practices allow fantasy to run wild, what really thrills BDSM connoisseurs is the opportunity to take advantage of the full-time regime to push the envelope of the most cerebral forms of domination.

In the beginning of the twentieth century Ivan Petrovich Pavlov discovered through his famous studies on respondent conditioning that in the right context the behavior of any animal – humans included – can be shaped at will. Several studies on “brainwashing” conducted in the following decades concluded that inducing automatisms or even a new personality is terribly simple: all you need to do is keep the subject isolated and repeat the same stimuli over and over. Within a short time, by rewarding “correct” behavior and punishing the rest you’ll strengthen the new desired mental schemes, which will then be maintained long afterwards. It is not difficult to notice the similarities with a 24/7 relationship, where the sub actually wants to conform to whatever they’re asked to do.

This type of training is in fact rather common. A typical application is associating the slave’s orgasm to an order from the Master: after a few dozen repetitions you can even command climax – and make any form of masturbation not accompanied by the “magic word” just a source of exhausting frustration. Other examples include the automatism of calling the Dom ‘Master’ whenever nobody likely to be disturbed by it is around, or to completely and symbolically undress as soon as the sub gets home.

By following similar principles you can even influence the sub’s very thoughts. Some full-time relationships pose this consensual coercion as their actual goal, for example driving the slave to actively seek more and more extreme torture or abject forms of degradation: a common request for masochists is to be psychologically “broken,” until they forsake all independence or will. Although such results are certainly possible, it is clear that among the dominant’s responsibilities keeping pathologic excesses that have no place in a healthy BDSM relationship under control is particularly important. It should also be noted that any training and discipline imposed on the sub will also reflect on the Master, who has the burden of administering them and therefore risks becoming trapped in a rather unpleasant regime in the long run.

Just like in any couple, monotony is the enemy of 24/7 relationships too: there’s nothing worse than starting an adventure based on high eroticism just to find yourself locked in a prison-like routine lacking any passion. Compared to a normal ménage you must also take into account that the slave may find it difficult to move beyond their passive role and propose new stimulations, or do so without assuming a proactive attitude that may be interpreted as an attempt to top from the bottom. Responsibility for keeping the level of arousal high therefore falls on the Master’s shoulders, who can fortunately rely on various tricks of the trade.

The simplest – especially with male slaves, who are physiologically more vulnerable to this type of treatment – is to impose rigid control over orgasms: chastity devices do wonders when it comes to keeping the sub’s focus and enthusiasm up. The conflict between the relentlessly arousing stimuli and the prohibition to release the sexual tension overpowers any potential boredom on the slave’s part, while the Dom can truly enjoy rubbing it in with a tight focus on teasing and denial, turning every circumstance into a highly erotic provocation.

Another possibility, alluded to above, is to create a complete identification with one’s role. To make full-time domination work, the partners must necessarily consider themselves first and foremost as Master and slave: if other interpretations seep into the relationship, for example ‘my sweet wife playing Dominatrix’ or ‘office clerk Joe Bland who enjoys getting tortured,’ all the pathos will simply fizzle out. The best way to prevent this from happening is to avoid unnecessary distractions as much as possible, and to rigorously respect those “play” times and spaces we talked about a few pages ago.

The most important thing however is knowing how to continuously inject the relationship with small and big novelties to keep both partners’ interest high. As long as it is heartfelt, even the slightest thing like imposing a new tiny gesture can become an opportunity to discover unexpected shades in the relationship. Goreans, for example, recognize no less than 23 canonical ceremonial postures for their slavegirls: a dressage to learn to assume them all with appropriate grace and swiftness should take a few days at the least – after which you can move on to the 64 arts of the Kama Sutra, various forms of massaging, and so on.

Stimulations can also be of a different nature, such as new toys, new practices, new environments or of course new people. Who bring with them completely new dynamics.

Feature image by Ismael Álvarez


extremeexplorersThis is an extract from BDSM – A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism by Ayzad. You can find a review of it here, and if you want to get a taste for the book yourself, you can download a free 40 page sample of the book in various formats. Then I’m sure you’re going to want to head over to Amazon to pick up a copy.

Ayzad is a reformed journalist, a writer and an alternative sexuality educator. You can find information about this book and more of his writing on his website. With over 30 years of experience in the BDSM community, he also leads seminars for professionals, the general public and practicing kinksters, and organises Secret Fetish Party and Sadistique in Italy.

The bestselling Italian version of BDSM – A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism was first published in 2004 and is listed as suggested reading by the Italian Association for Sexology and Applied Psychology, the Psychology Department of Aquila University and the Institute for the Evolution of Sexuality.

In his forward for the book, Dr Mark Griffiths, Professor of Behavioural Addiction Psychology Division, Nottingham Trent University UK, says: “I’m sure a lot of my colleagues won’t approve, but this book is better than any academic paper I have read on extreme sexual behaviour. Not only is it well written, but it is from the perspective of someone who knows what they are talking about rather than someone like myself who reads others’ work and summarizes… This book highlights an incredibly wide range of BDSM practices that consenting adults can engage in and is a celebration of a much misunderstood human behaviour.”

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