How Visualisation Can Help You Find Subspace (or Topspace)

That feeling of being “Dommy” or “subby” (or more accurately Topspace, or subspace), doesn’t always come from diving right in. It’s nearly always a process of going deeper and deeper.

Entering spaces can be similar to performing on stage. You’ve often read the script many times, and finally the time comes and the spotlight falls on you. This a process of both physical and mental being on sync.


Visualising a scene, and running it in your head before-hand, can help you to become familiar with the activities you are interested in. For example, if you are into kidnapping scenes, you could simply put your arms at the back while laying down on the floor, letting your body weight secure your arms behind. Imagine the scene like playing a film in your mind, be the director of your space and explore what you are into and where your limits are. Create a character and let him slap you in your imagination. Through visualisation, it often becomes apparent what kind of kink you are interested in involving yourself in.

Someday in the future, when the opportunity comes and your arms are tied up, this earlier experience with visualisation will flow with the scene, and you will feel more comfortable doing what you are doing.

However, it’s always worth bearing in mind that the practicality and reality of BDSM practices are often very different to your imagination. Imagining a rope burn is very different to physically being burnt by a rope. You may think you are ready for zip ties for 24 hours but find yourself having a panic attack in the second hour as your wrists go purple and numb.

Visualisation and fantasy help you to discover entrances to different spaces, including subspace and Topspace, but they are fictional spaces until you start exploring them physically. Imagination can help you to explore scenes, but it may hide some of the challenges (and possibly dangers) that you will need to deal with.


If you think about how you drive a car, it’s a synchronisation of the body and mind that’s not always completely conscious. When we first started driving, the brain was processing clutch, hands on wheel, gear stick, mirrors, pedestrian, stop light (etc), but it quickly becomes a form of Mihály Csíkszentmihályi’s state of “flow” that we talk about in our exploration of Topspace.

Early visualisation of your BDSM desires can help you get to that flow state faster when you are exploring those desires later in real life. This is important because it creates room for your mind to focus on other things which are important in a scene. For a Dom that might be about laser focus on the bottom, the tool in his hand, the strength and accuracy of his strikes or the direction and safety of the scene. For the sub it might be about body sensations, breath or understanding and reacting to what is going on.

Having the capacity to focus, experience flow and allow our body and mind to sychronise, we’re able to ease ourselves into spaces. Not just to Topspace or subspace (although the doors to these spaces do present themselves when we’re free from the distraction of irrelevant detail and able to focus on what is important in the moment), but also spaces that are simply pleasant to be in. Warm BDSM or D/s spaces where we feel good about ourselves and our kinks.


• The Mind Unleashed – Mind Hacks Used by Top Performers to Get in the Zone
• Emotionally Resilient Living – The Key to Effective Visualisation
• Wikipedia – Flow (Psychology)
• Psychology Today – The Surprising Psychology of BDSM
• TED Talks – Mihály Csíkszentmihályi: Flow – The Secret to Happiness

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