Putting Our Dominant/submissive Relationships into Maintenance Mode

The Dominant/submissive dynamic and TPE (Total Power Exchange) have a magical thrill, both sexually and non-sexually, that makes it fulfilling. The pleasure of being served and serving, being controlled and controlling, makes us feel good and satisfies needs within us.

The magical thrill of the Dominant/submissive commitment is what most kinksters strive for. Not only because of the erotic ambiance that it provides, but there is something visceral about it. When we think of D/s, it can make our heart buzz and give us goosebumps. What really goes on between the stern standing Dominant and the passive kneeling submissive is more than just a turn on. – The Innerselves of D/s

As a relationship matures, that initial thrill can fade. The Dominant/submissive dynamic is many things, and it’s not always eros in the driver’s seat. What tools are in that black box of BDSM that spark your magic as a kinky individual?

Many couples/households have some form of contract in place, setting out in some formal way rules and responsibilities within the relationship. Or, perhaps there are in`house protocols declaring how a slave should behave. All these small rules and protocols are a way to create a base-line for your D/s, and they help to maintain the feeling and sensation of domination and submission in-house. They benefit both the “person in power” and the “person who has given up power”.

But, it’s not always the base-line that we want. Sure, Dominance/submission is a lifestyle, but we also like it because it’s hot.

All relationships have some form of maintenance, to keep the flame burning. Sometimes we might surprise our lover with a gift, or share a candle-lit dinner, or appear at the door in new lingerie, or whatever it is in your house that brings the temperature up.

The thrill of the Dominant/submissive dynamic needs maintenance too. You need to take a look into your black tool box, and check out what tools you have and what to use.

Maybe you have a few different types of collar, and changing the weight of the collar might make you and your sub feel good. Perhaps you have your rituals set up for morning and evening, and a change in how those rituals are performed would make them interesting again. If you usually use pain on Monday, maybe try humiliation and degradation. If you normally sleep on the bed, maybe change it to sleep in the toilet.

I could go on with a thousand silly ideas, but really it is up to individuals to decide how to maintain their D/s dynamic. No-one else can help. I think, generally speaking, that when a relationship gets down to the base-line it is often a crisis of the imagination. Take an objective look at what’s going on, and get creative.

You have many tools in your tool box. And, if you don’t find the right one, you can always add more.

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