Discussions on cuckolding tend to get complex very quickly, so let me start this with a couple of definitions from the BDSM Glossary Group on Fetlife:
cuckold: A man with an “unfaithful” long term partner (i.e. a husband and wife where the wife has sex with other people). There are many variations on cuckolding, but the core essence is a couple where the female partner is having sex with other partners. The female partner may have one or more regular lovers or have sexual encounters with strangers. The male may or may not be aware of being cuckolded. The male may be submissive to his partner and/or her lover(s). The male may even dominate his partner and/or her lovers. The male may or may not be present to watch his partner with her lover(s) and may or may not participate with his partner and/or her lover(s). The male may or may not be permitted to have sex with his partner (see chastity) and may or may not sexually interact with his partner’s lover(s) (see bisexual). Since cuckolding requires a long term relationship in order for the fidelity of that relationship to be violated, it is problematic for men who want to be cuckolded but are single or married to someone who does not share their interest. Such men may engage in cuckold role play with women, couples or a hired professional.
cuckquean: Female version of cuckold (above). In the fetish scenario, the cuckquean might enjoy a scenario such as being forced to sit and watch quietly while her partner has sex; again, may or may not be allowed to participate. Conversely, she may be “forced” to exhaustion.
Bull: The other man in a kink cuckold relationship. Could be random men, or the wife’s regular, stronger, more virile lover (or treated so, for the fetish), who may or may not be kinky or interact with the husband/cuckold.
You can see it’s already complex, and we haven’t even started yet.
The most common form of cuckolding is a man (cuck) who’s wife has sex with other men with his knowledge (and I’m using the terms husband/wife throughout this article, but marriage obviously isn’t necessary). In the “swinging lifestyle” there are other labels, roles or combinations that appear very similar to this. The Stag/Vixen combination are both sexually active with others, and husbands of Hot Wives enjoy their wives being admired and pleasured by others.
What sets cuckolding apart from these is that it commonly has an element of female domination (dynamic) and humiliation or denial (play). It’s not the only form, but it’s the most common.
In this form of cuckolding, the woman seeks out a bull because her husband can’t satisfy her (and if this isn’t the actual case, it’s the pretence). He understands that he’s not able to give her the satisfaction she deserves, or that he’s not worthy of her, and because he wants her to be happy he supports her in her need for others.
There are lots of ways to emphasise and magnify the cuckholding experience.
- Chastity devices are a common one, because there’s no doubt that a man in a chastity cage is unable to scratch those deep itches his wife might have.
- Humiliation of physical features, such as reminding him that he’s small, limp and doesn’t measure up in the manhood department.
- Telling him about her encounters in graphic detail or letting him lick her before showering is another form of humiliation.
- She can have him satisfy her sexually in ways that emphasise his cuckold status (such as oral or toys)
If you’re a cuck, these things probably sound pretty hot. If you’re not, you may be struggling to find attraction in the fetish, but perhaps you can understand how powerful the exchange of power is. The wife explores her sexual attractiveness with others, and is reminded in an enhanced way of her sexual attractiveness by her husband’s desire. That’s heady empowerment. And, the husband has his virility stripped away, sometimes to the point where he is merely an object to be used for his wife’s gratification.
It’s not always the case that the cuck husband is completely sidelined. In some relationships the cuck participates in the wife’s encounters, either actively or as an observer. There could be elements of voyeur/exhibitionist, or “forced” bisexuality. In some cuckold relationships the bulls are random pickups, and other relationships are ongoing and a unique kind of polyamory, where all 3 have some kind of bond.
American politics has seen the term “cuck” thrown around a lot recently as a cutting insult. They intend it to mean “powerless and controlled”. On the surface, that might seem to be what a cuckold relationship is, but underneath that veneer it is a mutually empowering dynamic. The wife is responding to her husband’s desires just as much as the husband is responding to the wife’s. It’s mutually hot and mutually satisfying. That’s what makes it kink, not abuse.
Feature image: From The Illustrated Book of Poultry by Lewis Wright (1870)
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• Cheating 69 – Are You a Hot Wife or a Cuckoldress?
• Alex’s Cuckold Stories – There’s a Big Difference Between a Hot Wife and a Cuckoldress
• Oh Joy Sex Toy – What the Fuck’s a Cuck?
• Metro – What is a Cuck and What is Cuckolding? A Beginner’s Guide to the Fetish
• CNN – Cuckolding Can Be Positive For Some Couples, Study Says
• The Stranger – Cuckold Study Gets Conservative Panties in a Knot
• Sex & Psychology by Dr Justin Lehmiller – Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Cuckolding
• Deviance & Desire – What Makes Being a Cuck Hot for Me?
• Deviance & Desire – Holding a Cuckold Affirmation Ceremony