In BDSM lingo, we often confuse different terminology due to a lack of resources. Thanks to Fifty Shades of Grey and all the fantasy we’re exposed to (whether that’s fiction, porn or pickup sites), terms like slave and submissive (or Dominant and Master) can be thrown around interchangeably.
But sometimes words are supposed to have meaning, and in these cases it can be necessary to go deeper. What is the difference between a submissive and slave?
The submissive versus slave debate is a recurring conversation in the community, so feel free to disagree with my approach to the matter. i don’t claim to have the definitive answer.
submissive is an adjective that we use to describe the individual who holds less power in an interpersonal power dynamic. When you interact with people, you notice some are listeners and some are speakers. Some want to control how the plan works and some are happy to be part of the bigger plan.
In the animal world, dogs and other pack animals instinctively work out the power dynamic themselves. You will notice some dogs have stronger territorial control than others. When two dogs meet, they immediately begin negotiations to establish dominance and submission, and if it doesn’t fall into place naturally, there’s often a fight.
Dominance and submissive occurs in Vanilla relationships too, it’s not exclusively a BDSM thing. When conflicts arise in a relationship, one person will take the final say.
In essence, submissive is an adjective to describe someone who prefers to submit and follow orders, rather than make demands and decisions. On the other side of the slash, a Dominant prefers to demand and control. He wants things to go His way. It’s these two aspects of human nature that make the submissive and Dominant dynamic work. In it’s simplest form, you could say it’s “when one likes to be ordered around, and one likes to order”.
THE VANILLA SUBMISSIVE VERSUS THE BDSM SUBMISSIVE
The distinct difference between the vanilla submissive and BDSM submissive is that we derive pleasure from submission. It is being honest to our submissive nature. We treat submissiveness as a part of our identity and take the nature a step further into living this role.
This however, does not help you to find out what “submissive” means to you. It means different things to different individuals. For some, it includes day to day actions and activities, and for some submissive only happens during sessions/sex.
For me, personally, submission makes up a very large part of my identity. It is in my everyday practices, but it also extends into life significance. i don’t mind working hard as long as others are benefited and appreciate my hard work. i don’t mind doing the things that make my Master happy, even when i don’t like it. i don’t mind carrying stuff for my friends, even when they are left with nothing to carry.
For me, it is a nature and i interpret it as “for others”. Of course, submissiveness also means to lick and clean the dirty boots of my Master, or kneel and place my forehead on the floor, exposing my hole for Him. It can also be sexual.
FROM SUBMISSION TO SLAVERY
”slave” is a role, best explained through Internal Enslavement. a slave is almost always submissive, but a submissive may not necessarily be a slave.
BDSM slavery is pretty much a consent version of the old days slavery. Strictly speaking, a slave is just mere property to its Master. he has no thoughts, no thinking process, but thinks only for the Master. There is no personal interest, there are no personal worries, it is all about the Master. Everything from head to toe, the body to the soul, is wired in accordance to the Master. a slave has no limits, everything is possible as long as it is sane, wise and carried out properly with knowledge and evaluation. The slave put its entire life and identity in the hand of the Master, knowing his Master is wise and knowledgeable to handle its life.
That’s a very controversial definition, and it’s only one we’d ever use in theoretical discussion. There is a world of difference between Ideal/Fantasy and real life. But, fantasy and reality do not need to be mutually exclusive. If you are a slave, it is always a process of finding the right Master, getting the first cuff of yours, and finding that level of Dominance/submission that makes both of you happy. How far you travel down the slavery path is entirely up to you.
FURTHER READING
• B.E.S.T slave Training – submission versus slave
• Teramis – A slave is not a submissive
• Raven Shadowborne – Differences Between a slave and a submissive
• A Master’s Viewpoint of the BDSM World – sub versus slave
• A Domme’s Day – submissive vs slave
• The submissive Test – What Kind of submissive Are You?